Are We Cheating Ourselves?

Lene and Holly, you are both totally right! laughter helps, but reminding ourselves (over and over again if needed) that no one deserves RA and that we can get on with our lives helps even more.

I can identify with this!  I feel bad when sometimes I can't talk about anything to my husband except how I'm trying to balance my meds so that a) it works, b) it doesn't bother my stomach, c) I can sleep well, d) I can do something with him that we'd both like to do, without complaining!.  Darn, this gets hard!

But, yes, we have to forgive ourselves, and yes, it sometimes helps to focus on others, their needs, to give ourselves a positive focus ("I can do this!") but also realize that - sometimes we can't, we just have to be good to ourselves, so to survive well enough for those good times that are possible.

    By the way, even tho' I'm a Christian, I have found help in "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" which somehow presents a way to accept the fact that we suffer while not taking that as punishment."   Sometimes fighting the fact of disease and suffering adds tension and therefore pain.  Positive, positive, positive ... and also - I have realized over the years, that (just as many don't know what I suffer because they don't see it) others we think are just "fine" have perhaps other hidden suffering in their lives. Psychological, be it depression/anxiety/bereavement/family troubles ... We all need to be gentle with each other - AND OURSELVES!  and not beat ourselves up because our lives aren't what we envisioned.

So - I wish you all peace, patience, strength, gentleness, and love.

Ellen

Hi Ellen:

Good to hear from you and how we have to be positive. I had accepted the fact that I was sick but felt because it was something I did, now as time has passed with RA my way of thinking has changed in order for me to move forward and fight this with everything I have. I am also a Believer but I will read the book you recommeded. Keep in touch and God Bless!!!

The version of the Tibetan book I read I think was by Sogyal Rinpoche - at least the Rinpoche part, I'm sure of.  (It's actually a title, not a name - the Sogyal is a name).  There are a lot of different versions I think, some called the Tibetan Book of the Dead.  This one is more of a teaching version to people not familiar with buddhism, I think.  I recently read the book is used in Buddhism as a way of preparing people for the transition from life to what lies afterward - but I found it very helpful and in fact beautiful way a looking at life and death.  I have also done a version of CHristian meditation that uses "maranatha" (come Lord Jesus come quickly) as a mantra - This is explained in a book by an Episcopal monk named John Main in a book called Word Into Silence - another wonderful book!  He was an Englishman in the military in the far East who learned meditation from a Hindu monk.  When he returned to the West and became a Christian monk himself, he was told not to do this by a superior, that it was not Christian - however, he found writings from the early "Desert Fathers" that showed this was not true at all.  And he founded a meditation center in Montreal, Quebec, - which sad to say has closed -it was an ecumenical center called Unitas for a while, and I hoped to visit there (2 hours away) but waited too long.  He had started a program where twice a day for 20-40 minute (can't remember exactly) they would sponsor a meditation time where anyone around could come in and join them and have that peaceful quiet time twice per day.  But probably as with many religious orders, they may have come upon hard times - I don't know the story in detail.

Hope this is helpful - l'd love to talk about this more sometime!  I need to get back to meditation myself, but am finding it much harder to do than a few years ago...

Ellen

I cried when i read all these posts. Its hard to believe that so many people suffer in private like me. I have tried so hard to be positive and happy every day for everyone else too. my husband recently told me it was depressing to come home and see me in so much pain all the time and so unhappy. so i try every day to be happier abt my blessings and try to understand his point of view and he has listened to me and cried and is wonderful now and tries to help me more.  i still have many bad days when i cry a lot due to the pain but i have good days too and I try to hold onto those. i also have a wonderful grandson who i watch that si such a blessing to me, he keeps me mentally sane and forses me to keep going.  i want everyone to know how bad i feel but i dont want them to pity me. make sence??? Colleen

YES YES YES you are TOTALLY MAKING SENSE!

Ellen

thanks Ellen. i have to laugh at my spelling. and to remember i was all A's in english!!! haha. again, i am glad to know there are others who have same problems as me, its making me realise that i m not crazy. My new rheumy doc hasnt finished his residency yet and i dont have a lot of confidence in him yet, he hasnt seen all the unusual cases yet(which is me). long story but i have been through so much medically in my short life that most dont go through in a life time. and most healthy people do not understand when they look at me. i get upset because they think if i look ok i am not hurting. UGH!

this is therapy for me. thanks again. colleen

My husband and I are were going through the same thing, the only difference is my husband didn't say anything I could just tell that It was starting to get to Him, so I tried pushing him away, thinking I wouldn't want to have to watch this! He didn't understand what I was going through so I made him Read this Post and He then understood how some days I was able to push the pain aside and just be Becky, and some days Becky was off and couldn't control the Anger and Sadness that comes with the Pain. Without the help of this site and all the amazingly Strong, Intilligent, Driven, Kind and Witty People who we connect with so effortlessly, We would have not made it over this hurdle. Thank You All for opening the lines of communication on the issues that only We can understand. What we are accomplishing here is what No Doctor could ever give us, Peace, Love, Unity, Respect, Understanding, & Compassion!

thank you for replying. i am so greatful. and i truly want to be a blessing to others. i used to clam up too with my husband, then he knew something was wrong also. I would end up crying. i think he felt helpless and couldnt "fix" me so he wuld get upset. i know men and women are very different in the way they deal with problems.  He keeps me from feeling sorry for myself and i keep him humble abt others with their illnesses. i am sure God had them made that way for a reson. I am glad your hubby is a part of your life in that manner too. I think it helps you and i and others to know we are not alone. life is truly a journey!!! Colleenl