Your New Life and Letting Go of the Past

I just finished reading your post and I too feel so lost one day to find myself facing RA with every ounce of anger and RAGE inside me the next day. I felt I was doing good, plaquenil, prednisone.enbrel humira shots muscle relaxants some vicodin here and there. I have caught every possible infection in the world of medicine. The latest is helicobacter pylori that is eating the lining of my stomach and small intestine. I was told I also have palops in my colon which are being check for cancer. How can I get up and smile and feel like all is well. What color of flowers should I plant do I make lasagna for Easter even though I can't eat it myself. Today Iam sooooooooo angry and hurt because instead of being at my desk doing a job I loved I am here 3:00pm and the world goes on outside but I have to wait for permission from my body to move. That is the reality of RA and today is bad and I hate it but at least here I can unwind because nothing else helps. May tomorrow be a good day or fair for some of you. I fight onnnnnnnnnn and onnnnnnnnnnnn.

Thank you for another unflinching post about the reality in the midst of the bad times. You're right - good memories can be a haven.

Hi Holly & all,

What a wonderful post - you don't shy away from the bad, but you show that one can keep their eyes open (after the initial and the inevitable aftershocks) for the good - to see eventually where this new life leads, and that you still do have (eventually) your 'old' life to draw on - you are still "you" underneath!  it's a kind of creativity in living that we need to learn to develop, that wasn't necessary (or didn't seem so) before we were ill (or knew for sure that we were).

It's interesting as I read your post, it's brought so much to mind, that I'm going to do a sharepost, rather than take up too much space here....

Thanks so much for all you write!

Ellen

Hi Holly ~

Your stories sound all too familiar. It's so comforting to hear there are others out there with the same pains, frustrations, hopes and dreams. Thank you for sharing your heartaches. It's not easy to do without feeling weakened like you're complaining all the time. But it's healing to talk about it. And as you said, it is now a part of us. 

Our disease wakes up when we wake up, it goes to dinner parties with us, to work and to sleep with us every night. It is always there consuming our thoughts while kissing boo-boo's on our little tear filled loved ones or preparing meals for them, playing games with them or even the simplest thing as putting on a smile for them while burying our pain. My two girls 8 & 10 are my greatest inspiration and my kick in the rear. They are my hopes & joys, what gets me out of bed and what keeps me moving throughout the day. I don't know how I would've made it through some of those painful days if it weren't for them. It brought tears to my eyes when I read my 8 yo's x-mas list this past year. She asked for her mom to git rid of her "rthridis." How does Santa fill that one? I tried everything I could think of to make sure those couple of days after Christmas were my best days. She didn't fall for it and was very sad at Santa that year.

Well, Keep your chin up and never stop fighting Holly. You give us all strength.

I have found these things over the past 18 years that have helped me the most: #1 my husband and girls undying support #2 a very regimented diet (check out the body ecology diet) and #3 my Ugg slippers for those mornings we all know too well :) No I don't work for any of these products except for #1 the family :)

Love and Healing to you all ~ Jen  (38 yo/Advanced RA when 21 yo)