Supermom and the Life She was Given

Supermom to the rescue! I could fold clothes, talk on the phone, make dinner, and have Star Wars light saber fights with my youngest son. I went to school full time, worked full time, and still had plently of time to greet my boys when they arrived home from school, snacks ready for them. I could mow my three acres on my handy little riding lawn mower, deliver 12 puppies, comfort my boys when they had nightmares, and play on my homemade mega-slip-n-slide. I was everything a real mom and wife could be, in fact I was SUPERMOM! Then, without notice, my world fell apart...and it fell hard.

I re-evaluate my life all the time. I am always wondering what my purpose is. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason. And while it may take sometime to figure out what the reasoning is, it will eventually slap me in the face with the understanding that it has been there all along.

What's the reasoning behind losing everything, you ask? It's only when you've lost everything that you can see what you truly have! For me, that was so true. I had mustered up enough courage to walk into my dean's office to tell her the news. I fought back the tears, which I had learned to do quite well in the last couple of months. I couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth. " I have to quit." My dean looked stunned. I was just three months short of receiving my Bachelor's degree for applied science of the stenograph machine for court reporting and I was a good student. "My doctor says I have too much damage in the joints of my hand to pursue a career in Court Reporting." As I walked out the tears just poured from my face. Life as I knew it was over.

At that time I had just taken short-term disability from my full time job. I went home, laid in bed, and that's where I stayed for the next couple of months. I was in bed, unable to acknowledge the world around me or the people I loved. I was left with nothing more than the "why me's" and the "what if's", and life went on without me. I wondered what I had done that was so bad that I was meant to live out the rest of my life with nothing but pain and disappointment. I was sick, and there was nothing else I could do. There was nothing left for me.

Then, again without notice, I was slapped upside my head, and the sad life I knew was meant for me to live, all changed. It's amazing how sometimes it takes losing everything you have, even who you thought you were, to see what you really have. My husband was distant to me, and my kids barely knew me as "mom" anymore. I had decided enough was enough! And in that instant, without a blink of the eye, my life changed.

Instead of being merely a rheumatoid arthitis sufferer, I became a rheumatoid arthritis fighter. After all, what kind of life would I have if I choose to just give up? That day I looked around and I noticed some things I hadn't noticed in a long time. I still had my husband who really did care and love me. I still had my kids who were more amazing than I could have ever imagined. And in my life, there was still a role for me. It was a role that I was meant to play, that I had long since forgotten about. This was MY LIFE, and I was ready to live it.