From the outside looking in: A letter to those suffering from the ones who love you

From the outside looking in

I don't like what I have been feeling lately. I have been put in a postion that makes me uncomfortable. It is a place that I hoped and prayed that I would never have to be in. Its a place that I dont want to face. I must face it to have understanding of the others, the ones who love me. Through my sadness and fears I will learn from it, and I will carry on.

I always knew that being sick affected the ones I love and the ones that love me. Sometimes I realized that more than others. I have learned that me being sick wasn't just all about me. But now more than ever I see it with my own eyes, and I am learning to understand. I always thought it would be my friends and family on the outside looking in at me and my suffering, but life has dealt me a hand I wasn't prepared for. My mom is sick. She has been tested for a million different things in the last ten years with no diagnosis or understanding from the doctors. That should have been my first sign, but I didn't want to believe the possibility of her being sick like me. Then a couple of months ago my fears became even stronger as I was forced to look at the fact that my mom had tested positive for an autoimmune disease. This was hitting too close to home and I prayed that she would never have to experience the pain and suffering that I am too familiar with. Then it happened. She had been tested for lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, as I too have been diagnosed with, when she got the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. We had an answer to her increasing pain and suffering. I think that's when my own battle began. I am now on the outside looking in, and let me tell all of you out there who think that our friends and family don't understand...they dont. But I can tell you they suffer along with us in silence and many prayers and begging that just one day you will be able to smile through all the pain. So here is my letter to the sick ones from the ones who love them.

To the one I love who suffers alone,

Please know that you aren't alone...EVER! I am here when you need me whether it be someone to talk to at 3 o'clock in the morning or someone to bring you lunch in bed. I hope you understand that it doesn't matter how many times that you need my help, It never frustrates me and I am always glad to help you in any way I can.

    It kills me to know that at times you may feel like you are a burden to those around you...YOU'RE NOT! I never see it that way. You have spent your whole life showing me love and being compassionate towards me when I needed it the most and I am fully prepared to do the same to you. Please understand that when I try to crack jokes in the midst of your pain it's not because I think lightly of your situation...I DON'T! I just desperately want to see you smile again because your smile could brighten the room and I have missed it for far too long.