From the outside looking in: A letter to those suffering from the ones who love you

    Please know that yes, I am disappointed when you don't keep appointments or plans with me but not because you have let me down, but because I look forward to the oppertunity to prove my love and loyalty to you despite your illness. I need you to know that I fully understand that you are not the same person you once were, but please know that I don't believe that person is gone forever, I believe that person is just struggling through their own battles as anyone would do when their life has been changed forever and they have to suffer through imaginable pain.

    Earlier I told you that you are never alone, and while that may be extremely hard to believe, it is true. I may not feel the same pain as you, but the look on your face is enough for me to understand that the pain you experience is tremoundous. I may not understand what it is like to have my world fall apart, but my world isn't quite right without you by my side either. I may not know what it is like to not be able to feed myself or dress myself, but I do know how bad it hurts you to have to ask for help. I know how full of pride you once were and how embarrasing this must be for you, and while I may not show it to you it does kill me to see you this way.

    I don't see you any different as you once were, in fact I believe you to be much stronger that I could have ever imagined. I watch you in agony struggling to do the things you once loved to do and it breaks my heart. I wish you could know how many thousands of times I have begged and pleaded with God to let me carry all of this pain and suffering for you. But for some reason there is a purpose to all of this although I know you can't believe that yet. All of us who love you and care for you want you to know that you have not done anything to deserve this, this is NOT your fault! I ask God every night why he would give such a horrible disease to such a wonderful person. And although none of us have the answers we will remain right here by your side, and we will not let you push us away.

    I have wished upon a thousand stars every night in hopes that you would find some relief or that they could some how send a smile your way. I miss those smiles. Please know that we suffer too. We may not feel the pain that you feel or the hopelessness, but we are trying to keep it together for you as we are suffering by your side. I would give everything I have to make this better for you and would do anything in my power if I could just give you one day of relief.

    Please know it kills me to see you cry, espescially when you cry out because the pain is too much to bear. And at the end of the day I cry too, just knowing that someone I love so much is fighting such a horrible battle against such a miserable disease. And though you may try to push me away so that I am not able to see you like this, I won't let that happen. I plan on being here through your good days and even more so through your bad. I will not treat you as though life is over because I pray for the day that you get to begin your life again. I will be right here by your side, fighting this awful disease with you, struggling through your pain, and still begging to carry this disease for you.