This is not at all the way I had imagined my life. These are not the plans I had made for myself. I had plans and goals to accomplish and I just knew nothing would get in the way of my dreams. I was going to have it all!
Little did I know that I was going to have it all, alright! I was going to have pain in 69 joints, medication after medication, supplements after supplements, doctor's appointment after doctor's appointment, and many couch days. I have it all alright, yet none of this was in my plans. This was NOT the life I had dreamt of.
I turn dirty 30 in December. I can honestly admit that I am not handling it very well. In fact, I am kind of obsessed about it and definitely not in the best way possible. They say that in your 20's you spend your time learning about yourself and in fact, finding yourself. Then your 30's are supposed to be the years you use to define yourself. You finally know what you like and what you want out of life. You finally know who you are. I have even heard some say that their 30's were some of the best years of their lives.
So here I am dwelling on the fact that I am turning 30. And not only am I turning 30, I am turning 30, have been married for 11 years, and have a nine-year-old, and a six-year old. Life should be great, right? Yet I have one thought on my mind and one alone. I can't get it out of my head and it seems to invade my every thought. I am turning 30, which to me only seems to mean that I have so many years ahead of me to continue to fight this disease. I have so many years ahead of me filled with pain. And that, my friends, is my obsession with turning 30.
Yes, it is a depressing and pessimistic thought. Yet it is also a fact that I am going to have to find a way to deal with. I have spent so many years fighting this disease and to know that my fight will never really be over terrifies me. I am left dreading my 30th birthday and the realities that I must face.
Rheumatoid arthritis is a life-long fight. The greatest part about it is that we get to choose. We do have the choice to sit back and let the disease take over, leaving us with only pain and suffering for the rest of our lives. We also have the choice to fight for our lives. We can fight for the good days we may have. You know those days, the days that we can handle the pain and we can have a date with our spouse, a movie with our kids, or a night out with friends. We can fight for our mobility and the ability to enjoy a little walk or open our own medication bottles. We can fight for our happiness, and for the right to enjoy the rest of our lives. And I don't know about you but even though at times I might feel too tired to fight, I will never really give up the fight because I do have the right to enjoy my life despite rheumatoid arthritis.
Yes, I am turning 30. Yes, I do have the rest of my life to continue my fight against rheumatoid arthritis. However, I will continue my fight because my life must go on. I want to enjoy the years I have with my kids, so I fight. I want to enjoy the years I have with my husband and when we are old I want to be able to take a walk with him, hand-in-hand, so I fight. I want to live, be happy, and successful, so I will continue to fight.
With Rheumatoid Arthritis the fight will always be a long hard one. This will probably be one of the most important fights of our life for most of us. But we can have a great life despite rheumatoid arthritis. We can have a life full of fulfilled dreams, love, and happiness as long as we do one little thing...fight this disease. The best part is that we never have to fight this fight alone. We have friends, loved ones, and other fellow fighters who fight this disease and cheer us on every day of our life. I don't know about you but this one is an easy one for me...I want to fight. I not only want to fight, I want to fight my hardest for the life I love to live. Have you made the decision yet? Good luck and best wishes!
Published On: September 16, 2009