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Stress doesn't directly cause rheumatoid arthrtitis, but if you had it before and didn't know, then the stress could have definitely brought out the symptoms.  I am 28 and have had RA for 14 years and stress is almost as big of an enemy to me as RA is.  You will find that the more stress you carry in your life, the more pain you will be in.  Keep a journal to find our what your stress triggers are.  I know it sounds very cheesy, but you will find that there are things that trigger stress in your life, that you never knew about.  That being said, I know if it virtually impossible to get rid of your stress as you have many, many things to be stressed out about right now.  Simple things like taking time for you and your wife can really help with the stress.  Now on to the bitterness.  There are many studies on how carrying anger or in your case bitterness can cause health problems.  In RA, that really holds true.  Bitterness causes stress, stress causes flares, flares cause pain.  I know you have been through a lot of things that have been devastating on you and your family.  But I also know that on to those things causes health problems.  It is never easy with RA and nobody has all the answers.  You have to learn what works for you.  When you are flaring it not only affects you, it affects your wife which must be devastating for her too.  Take time to relax and reduce your stress.  Try it for a month and see if you are feeling better.  Good luck and best wishes!