hi Amy,
i read your post and thought to myself, "i remember when didn't like my rheumatologist'.. in the beginning, i too was turned off by his 'lack of empathy'. i considered finding a new doc, but the idea of waiting and waiting to get in, convinced me to suck it up. not knowing what to expect, i went to my first visit expecting to get a handbook, and RA 101 class, a complete 'how to survive RA' type talk .....and i got nothing. he asked questions, wrote alot, and 'uhhmm'd alot and that was it. he took blood work AGAIN, as if he didn't trust my PCP's (and my) initial assessment. i felt like a fool, like a hypochondriac. i left there thinking, 'hmm, now what?"... i almost felt like he didn't take me seriously. well, i've been to him 5 or 6 times now, and he still doesn't earn 'empathy' points, but i've come to realize he's not there to give me pity. he's there to keep me encouraged. i find that when he asks how i'm doing, i'm reporting positive feedback and not complaints...
i'm feeling human again, with little or no pain most of the time, and i have my life back. i must say, 3 months after my DX, to be 'controlled' is pretty cool. What i want to say to you is, be positive. Give him a chance, take control of things and be informed. if there's something you want, tell him. if you have questions or concerns, tell him. I got a smile out of my doc, and that's when i knew, he really does care...
good luck, and give him a chance...