i can't stop blaming myself for trigerring ra!

From what I knew about RA, it seemed unlikely that an injury could trigger it, so I did a bit of research on the issue. I found this page at Johns Hopkins stating that "there is no clear scientific evidence" that accidents, surgeries or other traumatic events can trigger the disease. I did some more digging and found Dr. Andrew Weil's website - he is the founder and Program Director of the Arizona Center for integrative medicine at the University of Arizona. On his website, he mentions that precipitating factors of autoimmune reactions such as RA could be infection - it activates the white blood cells in the immune system and I guess the theory is that something can get wired wrong and in such a case, the immune system can start attacking itself as is the case in autoimmune diseases such as RA. It's further stated that autoimmune reactions could also be triggered by tissue injury or emotional trauma in people with a genetic predisposition to such reactions. Keep in mind that first, a very reputable medical source states that there is no clear scientific evidence that physical injury can trigger RA. Furthermore, that even when trigger factors are mentioned, it is in relation to people who have a genetic predisposition to developing autoimmune reactions. This means that even if this injury was a factor in you getting RA, you very likely have a genetic predisposition and something else - like an infection - might at a later date have triggered the disease, as well. In other words, it's not your fault and it might have happened anyway.

It is normal to want to find a reason why you get a chronic disease. It's normal to ask "why?" and "why me?", but in my 40 years of experience of living with this disease, these questions are ultimately a waste of time and only lead to depression. Sh*t happens (pardon the language, but really, it's the only word for it) and the key to living well with this disease is to focus on living and not the disease. That said, before you start focusing on living, you need to get your disease treated to prevent further damage to joints and to decrease your pain levels. These days, the medications for RA can make a significant difference in ways that used to be impossible and it is entirely likely that once your RA is suppressed, you'll be able to live a relatively normal life. If you have financial issues, there are programs available to assist with funding of medication, many of them offered by the pharmaceutical companies that make the drugs - you can find more information on such programs here.

And back to the living part. We have all done things in our lives that we regret deeply and wish we could change. But we can't. There is no way to go back in time to change our lives. You have to move on and in order to do that, you have to process the feelings, grieve the loss of health and forgive yourself, forgive your body so what can feel like a betrayal. I've come to be grateful to my body for getting me through each day even as it fights this disease and the effects (pain, physical limits, etc.), but it's taken a long time to get here. I've done a lot of thinking, a lot of reading (books and audio programs on mindfulness are especially helpful) and I've had counseling. I recommend that you find a counselor to help you adjust to the disease, work through the feelings and get some help to develop coping mechanisms that you can use throughout your life.

Life isn't over. It comes with extras now, extras that can be difficult to deal with both for you and for the people in your life (I wrote a post about the reactions of others in a while ago, you can read it here). But you will get back to your life - with battle scars, you'll be different and best of all, you'll be stronger. Resilience and strength are gifts of RA - it doesn't just take, it gives, as well. You will find love and friends again, people who accept you for who you are, not for what you do and I recommend that you reach out to other people with chronic diseases who can offer a level of support and understanding that others often can't. This site is great - we have a very supportive community both here in the Q&A section and if you want to post your own SharePost down the line, you may want to do that, as well.

Hang in there. There's hope.

We all trigger a flareup from time to time. Stop beating yourself up about it. Most of us overdo things and that triggers a flareup. It's a part of life with RA. Just get the rest and therapy you need and maybe you can find yourself feeling better and you can do some of those important things in your life.

From someone who has RA since 1998 let me say there is life after. I have done a lot of reading on this disease since diagnosed and I don't think a physical injury can cause it. Stress usually causes a flare up with me more than physical exertion. Sounds more like osteoarthritis. But that's not what counts. It's the learning to deal with it and being able to "live" with it that counts.  Were you diagnosed with RA before you injured yourself or was that the diagnosis the doctor gave you after? Maybe it's something else. There are a lot of little bones in that area maybe you chipped one. How long ago were you diagnosed?  It was rough  at first with me too.  I tried to deny, blame, get angry until I finally said this is not going to conquer me. I was living with an alcoholic husband when I was diagnosed and under a lot of stress.  I too blamed myself for not getting out of this stressful situation in time.  First of all you need to get a good rheumatologist. Do not go through this with a regular doctor.  You need somebody that is up on the very latest treatments and there are new ones coming out everyday. I laugh to myself when my Mom who has osteo goes to her regular doctor  and comes home with medication from a century ago. I  tell her that is like driving a horse & buggy when there is a cadilac out there. The only person I had known with RA was a great-aunt and upon diagnosis, the first image in my head was Aunt Maude's knarled & twisted body. But my Rheumatologist quickly put that image to rest letting me know science is way up on this disease since that time. Next you have to get selfish. Before I was always the one everyone came to with a problem. I was "the fixer". I believed the world would quit turning if I weren't there. You have to learn to love yourself. As important as my family is. There are times I say to myself, "You people aren't killing me!". Get in your car & go to a place where you find peace (a lake, a river, a park, anyplace beautiful & peaceful away from your stressful situation). Now back to the doctor part, when I was first diagnosed and my doctor suggested strong drugs, my first reaction was, whoa let's start slow & save these drugs for later on when things get worse. WRONG!!! Looking back I best describe it as, "Let's start with a BB gun & work our way up to a cannon". Absolutely not! Every single day this stuff if damaging your body even when you have no pain. You need to blast it with everything you have to stop it in it's tracks. Through the years there have been a lot of different medications and combination of medications, battles with the insurance company over the cost of these medications, etc. But with God's help & my doctor's help and MY help I rarely have pain anymore. To make a long story short, I have gone through a lot and you have to be strong. I have had a lot of surgeries to correct damage RA has done before I got on the right medicine. I have even had my wrist fused. But if I didn't tell you you would never know. There's nothing I can't do. My motto is, "RA might get me but it's gonna have a fight on it's hands first!"   

I blamed myself at first. After research and talking to my doctor, I began to realize a few things. First of all, this was not my fault. It was something that had just happened. Second of all is that yes, I will be on disability, but that does not mean I have to stop living. Third, I didn`t give up, I had to set my mind to overpower this. My family and friends are a great support, which you need right now. Talk more to your doctor and let him/her know how you are feeling. The blame game will go away once you realize that it is not your fault. I have had RA for 20 yrs. now, I did the blame game also... the why me game... and pushing friends and family away because I thought they wouldn`t understand. RA is hereditary, some people it flares up on and others can go their whole life without it flaring up. Once you have it under control with Meds, you can work but with limitations, which depends on the severity of your RA. Do not give up and let the diease control you, you can control the diease. Think possitive, have a good attitude and you will see a change, there will always be the ups and down days. You will see more ups than downs when you stop blamming yourself. Talk to your doctor, they can help you understand more about RA

Hang in there!!!! and pray.  I too suffered because I lived in Egypt, i.e. the Nile (denial), it's a joke.  I worked as a transcriptionist for years and years, all the while in pain until I could take no more.  Then discovered I have RA.  It's painful and a lifetime of meds, yes, but you're still alive.  You probably are really fed up with hearing people tell you to think outside of yourself, yeah, yeah, (I've heard it too), but it really works.  Spend time praying, helping others always takes my mind off of me. There is always somone, somewhere that is in worse shape.  There are agencys that can  help financially, keep searching.  Find something or someone to put your energy into, instead of yourself. It could be worse!!!! Think about it!!!!

God Bless and keep you, you are in my prayers

hi.i was reading your article on how you are at your wirs end with the r.a  

i am a fr for disabled people for 24 years and i have seen a lot of disabilities

including arthritis. when i helped out at workshops people with arthritis were working very well with it and arthritis does need a lot of exercises. even though i am a fr i also have 5 disabilities with age but i still look after disabled people everyday and i am 59. the best thing to do is get active even if you cannot get a job work in a arthritis foundation. or op shop. sell raffle tickets. and you will find you are helping out your own people with arthristis by raising money for it. god is the one that keeps me going for them and others. god bless you. fr donald thomas.   australia.   date2,1.09.

Hi Ger,

    I'm sure that the feeling that you "triggered" this makes it more difficult to focus on what you need to do next, but please understand that when RA is waiting in the wings, it could be triggered by any significant physical or emotional event. Perhaps yours was triggered by trauma caused by a moment of neglligence or anger, but if it had not been this event, it most likely would have manifested if you'd had a car accident, surgery, loss of a loved one, even something as wonderful as the move to a new home or the birth of a child. Your RA was not a choice; it was not an accident. RA is an autoimmune disease and has a hereditary link. You might as well blame your parents or grandparents for this since their contribution was more significant as yours.

   You seem to be expending a tremendous amount of your energy on regret and energy is something that is precious to those of us with RA. Instead of using all of that energy to beat yourself up for causing this, try to create a new life plan for minimizing the effect of RA on your life. Talk to your doctor about the possibility of an antidepressant; there are some that also have an effect on pain levels as well as the feelings that you are having of fear, isolation, pain and depression. See a counselor who deals with chronic illness patients. Rest, eat well, do the therapy as recommended and face the future with hope. I've had RA for 22 years, long before the new biologics were developed, yet I have had a long term marriage, a wonderful daughter who is now in med school, and long time friends. I am active in community service even though I did have to stop working after many years in business. Service allows me to contribute when my health allows and keeps me in contact with people who are not ill. Don't allow yourself to be defined by your illness.You can make the choice to take time to heal and then recreate your life on different terms.

   Good luck.

Martha

Hello ger. I've read your question and the answers posted. I have RA and have wracked myself to try to understand the cause, including blaming myself for a time. Then I learned that animals (can't be blamed, can they?) and even small children develop this disease. This helped me see past the notion that somehow it was my fault. Be wary of self-help books or counselling that imply the cause and answer to a cure is entirely your responsibility. Many factors contribute to all diseases - we live in an interconnected society - what one person does to crops in a farm field can have untold effects on someone else thousands of miles away. The RESPONSE you make to your disease is probably as damaging as the disease itself if that response is rage, frustration, hate, blame and denial.

I found some significant help with dissolving some of the negative emotional aspects thrown up by the constant grind of the disease when I discovered the Emotional Freedom Technique website (www.emofree.com). There is a huge amount of free information and help there, as well as a lot of postings that encourage one to hope and believe that life can get better. And it can.

If you have read this, just lean back in your seat now and take a mental step back from the internal emotional trauma you're experiencing. Take a slow, deep breath ... now take another ...

feel some of the muscles releasing tension in your body.

Do this as often as you can, anytime during any day.

It supplies much needed oxygen and nutrients to all the tissues of your body.

This disease is one aspect of your life. Can you begin to connect with the deeper calm and wisdom that lies within - the part of you that knew to reach out to this site for help? Get to know that aspect of yourself well, it will help you find the strategies for managing your difficulties, supply courage to ask questions of your medical practitioners/counsellors. It will not deny your current feelings of depression but will help you to accept that that is where you are right now - a place to move on from gradually.

Let us know how you progress

  First of all an injury doesn't cause arthritis.  Sweetheart you already had the genes for it, or you wouldn't have it.  Now an accident or stress I find from personal experience can cause a flair up.  When I have surgery though on the other hand it causes a few months to years of remission.  Who ever told you that you caused this needs horse whipped!!  Quit blaming yourself.  You need to get with a rhuematologist that can explain this to you and help you.  Also how about meds do they not help?  I take Tylenol arthritis along with my meds at bedtime due to it relieves alot of stiffness in the mornings.  I have had the disease since I was 4 yrs old and I'm now 38 I think I know alittle bit of what I'm talking about.  This disease is not fun but it is you and you have to deal with it.  If your friends have abondoned you go make new friends the others weren't real to start with.  I have a great group of support and it helps greatly.  No matter what as long as you realize it is painful and dibilitating but you can't allow it to take over who you are.  Do you realize in 34 years I have played ball with my friends, taken long walks, love to swim, bike ride, got married and I have a wonderful child.  I still drive, do all the grocery shopping and even at times mow the lawn.  I didn't say it doesn't hurt but you can't allow it to take over who you are!  And I am betting you are a beautiful, caring ,loving person or you wouldn't be so upset.

Lene said it very well!  You need to work on getting your RA under control and move on.  We all make some misjudgements but I am certain that while this might have made things worse I dont think it triggered your RA.  See a doctor and a counselor!  If money is the issue there are programs that can help you but you must first see a doctor!  I know that it is sometimes very difficult to deal with chronic illness but what doesnt kill you makes you stronger!  Hang in there!  Keep the faith!  Prayer never hurts! 

Elaine

I had a baby that triggered mine. You never know what will trigger something like RA.

It is nothing you would ever know that caused it. I was 26 when I got it got to work a little lonner. When I was 50 I was in a wheel chair now I can out walk everyone. Got new knew, my feet rearrange. You need to apply for social security, Look for clinics doing research that can help you for free. It took 20 years for me to feel better.

You have to try to be positive and I know it is hard. I stayed inside for 10 years.

Dear Ger,

Oh my, you remind me of myself 10 years ago--even though I was a nurse and knew that I had not caused the RA, I could not get it thru my thick skull.  You cannot do anything to cause your RA-it is an issue within your own body.  I too had suffered severe trauma about 18 years before I was diagnosed, and thought that my pain was from my injuries-a lot of it in my arms and hands- and just thought I had caused it from too much lifting or working on stuff. 

It sounds like you are having some real issues with dealing with the emotional component of this disease process.  It has taken a part of you and changed it- you did not cause it to happen. 

After I started looking in my family history- I realized I was " doomed"  my cousin had M.S., my aunt had polymyositis rheumatica, my great grandmother had " had arthritis since she was a child and took some special medicines",then when my mom came to help take care of me and my family after I got out of the hospital, she developed the symptoms and found that all of those years of joint pain had been RA. My dad had psoriasis so bad on his side of the family - we called them a bunch of flakes--not realizing that this was all a part of the disease process.( We joked to keep from crying about it--you too will learn to do this) 

   There is also a depression component of the disease process- from the continued response to chronic pain, we have exhausted our chemical that carries the nerve impulses across the synapses, and it results in a chemical depression- as well as many of us blame ourselves for what has happened.  A good psychiatrist will help address these issues- just because we see a "shrink" doesn't mean we are crazy- it is a chemical imbalance.

   I hope you are seeing a good rheumatologist.  I know that many Primary Care Providers think they can handle the process, but a rheumatologist understands the disease process in depth and can help deal with the pain issues, the changes that will take place in your body, the side effects of the medications, monitor you closely for changes in bone density and structure since some of the meds can change that.  You can also come in contact with others who have the same or similar disorders and learn from them--if your hands are in bad shape- you learn to use tools to open things- if your arms and shoulders are affected- you learn to use one of those " gripper arms" like my kids call it-.  And physical therapy is a critical component of your treatment.  Another activity that I have enjoyed is a Arthritis Water Class- it is in warm water and a trained instructor helps lead to better joint mobility, and you have a tendency to feel better afterwards too--you develop comraderie with your classmates!

I truly hope that you will give yourself a break, I know it is hard right now, and if your pain is not under control that makes it worse.  If I can ever be of assistance, please don't hesitate to holler at me.

None of us are responsible for the on set of RA. First, you are wasting your tme blaming yourself, instead use the energy to find ways to fight back. Do you think people want to be blind, maimen, burned and so many other horrible things that can happen out there. YOU have a chance to fight and be succesful at keeping this monster under control. aYou are still you all of you inside can you gather your forces that are waiting to come out to help you start thinking this not the end of your world.

Good luck and keeping posted. By sharing your story, ups and downs you will be helping us all. Find it in your heart to continue staying in touch.  Remember we all need each other.Best of all to you, unipat I cafe

Ger,

Reading your post "triggered" this for me on so many issues!  In the last 4 years, my only child passed away, I met someone...got married, lost my home in mortgage mess, got laid off from lifetime job, "got" RA and separated from husband, and now live on disability! 

At the beginning of this, as my mind still whirls, my big question was how the heck did life take so many turns, and what was MY role in all of it.  I felt like MY role, was that I must have somewhere been a "bad" person..you know the guilt complex syndrome. :) 

As I am relearning and learning about myself and RA, one thing continues to come to the forefront of my mind.  I heard this somewhere and added my own words to use it as my motto:  My name is Arlene, I am happy, outgoing, very loving toward others in this world, compassionate and very passionate.  I have renters within my body...they are RA and Fibro.  They are not always the best renters and sometimes have to be called onto the carpet and dealt with.  But they are "just renters".  I will decide what will be tollerable behavior with my renters, and I will treat them with respect, compassion and embrace them with love.  After all, honey attracts more flys!! :)

That said,  Is it easy?  NO. NO. NO.  Did you "cause" it?  No.  If you would like to place the "blame" somewhere, which may help on the road toward discovery of the "new you"...blame stress, circumstance, the star that you forgot to wish on, but do not blame YOU!!!  Dear, you have a new you to discover. 

And now you have a place where you share space with renters.  Keep them as just that.

Life will go on and you will learn how to accept but move on...as with anything in our lives a new way of moving forward will come.  Don't let it "take you"!

PS.  During my discovery time, I became a fan of Sara Nash's posts.  She has become my "hero" of sorts, and I want to grow up just like her.  Blog world here I come!!!!

Arlene

http://battybeader.blogspot.com