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Hang in there!!!! and pray.  I too suffered because I lived in Egypt, i.e. the Nile (denial), it's a joke.  I worked as a transcriptionist for years and years, all the while in pain until I could take no more.  Then discovered I have RA.  It's painful and a lifetime of meds, yes, but you're still alive.  You probably are really fed up with hearing people tell you to think outside of yourself, yeah, yeah, (I've heard it too), but it really works.  Spend time praying, helping others always takes my mind off of me. There is always somone, somewhere that is in worse shape.  There are agencys that can  help financially, keep searching.  Find something or someone to put your energy into, instead of yourself. It could be worse!!!! Think about it!!!!   God Bless and keep you, you are in my prayers