Don:

Thanks for writing.  Your story is very interesting to me.

I never believed my doctor or family members were devils, but I had three demons that talked to me constantly, telling me they were.  My mother was such a staunch advocate of mine, my demons were never quite able to convince me.

I learned my lesson about taking my medicine in a very different way, but ended up with an understanding like you have achieved.

In addition to the schizophrenia I have five other illnesses that are life threatening and that have frequently landed me in the hospital.  Some hospitals didn't have my psych meds, so they would cut me off cold turkey.  Within three days my hallucinations, paranoia, delusions of grandeur would all come back.  After about a week without my meds I no longer believed I was ill.  After a number of these episodes, I figured out that I had to take my meds.

About five years ago I went into the local hospital through the emergency room (as usual).  When they checked me into the hospital I found out they didn't have any of my psych meds, so I climbed out the hospital bed, got dressed and was about to leave when a nurse came in.  She asked what I thought I was doing and told her I was leaving and why.  She said "You can't do that" and I said "Just watch me."  They called the resident on duty and there was a huge scene, but they let me go after I signed papers saying I wouldn't sue them if I croaked after I left.

Keep writing, its seems many of us end up in the same place, but we all get there by our very own route.  I'm learning at lot and it's very helpful. 

Encourage your friends to join our CHOICES group.  If they are like you, Janet, David and I, it's going to be interesting.  Like I said I'm learning alot and can identify with the three of you.

Robin

Hi Marti:

I'm glad you've joined our CHOICES discussion group.

I think your approach to dealing with your son is marvelous.  You are working carefully to maintain the trust between you and your son.  Sooner or later, an opportunity to say something that will help your son will come along AND because you have listened to him carefully and have not challenged him directly, he will listen to your advice because he trusts you and you will know what to say in response.  You will not have allowed walls to rise up between you and your son.

To do what you are doing takes a great deal of patience and restraint, and demonstrates that your love for your son.  And, trust me on this, he knows it.

For others to say that you're jeaprodizing you son's life is rubish.  Schizophrenia is an extremely commplicated illness.  Recovery does not comes quickly or easily.  In my humble opinion, parents that try to force their child into recovery by preaching to them about what "is true and what is not," are looking for a quick fix.  They want and think they can solve the problems their childs faces quickly with just a few enlightened comments.  I don't fault them for trying and I'm not suggesting they don't love their child, but that, quite understandablely, the want their old child back.  Who doesn't.  But again, there are no quick solutions.  What you are doing is much more difficult, but is also much more likely to succeed in both the short and long term.

When my daughter first became ill, I developed a "top ten list" of things that I thought would help her most in her struggle.  And then, I was very careful to never, ever bring up for discussion with her any of the things on the list.   I refused to preach to her because I know from my own experience as a person with schizophrenia just how offensive this is.

Sooner or later, though, she would ask me about one of these things.  At that point I would "stick my toe in the water", i.e., I make a single remark in response, but say nothing more (read as "I didn't preach to her about all the raminfications of her question").  Then, sure enough, after a while she'd come back.  "Dad, when I asked you a couple of weeks ago about thus and such you said . . .  What did you mean by that?"  Then I would stick my foot in the water and add something to what I had said before and stop.  The cycle would continue until we had discussed the issue completely and, most importantly, at her request.

I still have a "top ten list" for my daughter but none of the original issues remain on that list.  These we have all discussed over time and long since resolved.  The things on my list are minor issues when compared with the original list, bur far more important is the fact that my daughter and I remain close friends and talk about everything.  I'm proud to say that many of the things that I learned the hard way, she has learned from our discussions instead.

Marti, you are a loving mother that has made a long term and selfless committment to her son.  I honor you for that.  Your son will do much better because of you.  And he too will honor you.

Robin