It's a common practice in our society to measure our worth by comparing our accomplishments with the achievements of others. There's no end to the fields of endeavor we might pursue, and within any and all of these fields, we can find someone to emulate, someone we can use as a standard of excellence. For decades professional sports heroes and breakfast cereal manufacturers have teamed up [no pun intended] to offer readymade package deals to young boys and girls. "Eat this cereal if you want someday to become a gold medal winner in the Olympics." Even computer hackers today have their icons and myths.
"So what's wrong with this?" you ask. "We all need role models, especially when we're young, long on ambition and short on experience."
We may not be conscious of it, but many of us carry this mind set into our adult lives, into our homes, families, and workplaces. Our role models are typically individuals of some standing in fields of endeavor in which we are, or would like to become, involved, e.g. the charismatic, inspirational evangelist at last year's annual church retreat, the most successful salesperson in the company for which we work, our "got it all together" peer advocate, or a certain relative, friend or colleague we like and admire. We pay close attention to everything they do and say, and imagine ourselves in their place. In striving to perform as they do, we quite naturally measure our accomplishments with the yardstick of their achievements.
In my experience, the practice of comparing ourselves with others can be destructive. Accepting a role model carries with it the presumption that we would like to be like him or her. Comparing ourselves with our peers implies that we would like to do better than they. Rather than guiding us, or motivating us to succeed, these comparisons, more often than not, find us wanting and leave us disheartened. The practice can actually place obstacles in our personal pathway to success. There are a number of reasons for this.
Like the rest of us, all role models are flawed. Hardly a month goes by that we don't find a sports hero involved in some scandal or illegal activity, or some corporate executive who has cooked the books or used company resources to finance a lavish personal lifestyle. In recent years, even the religious right has incurred spectacular casualties.
One thing that's often forgotten when we pick role models is that we select them because their performance is superior to all others. These models are truly the very best of their kind; quite often they have extraordinary skills. Is it realistic, empowering, or productive to compare our performance with the best there is?
Oddly, children seem to understand better than adults that these comparisons are a game of sorts. Young boys and girls understand that their desire to become President of the United States is not going to be fulfilled anytime soon.
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