Coping Skill #6 - Set Your Own Goals

That was good Robin, thank-you.   You sure opened a big can of worms with that post for sure!

I found that, from my experience in the recovery process, stress was a big factor in the goal setting process.   I found that I was placing too much stress on myself to achieve and my daily living was not satisfactory.    Maybe you're right when you say that sometimes the therapist has a few good ideas and it takes a little nudge to get us going.

   Yet for some people a goal of having enough food to eat or money to pay for meds is a pressing and urgent one and needs to be addressed.          When I was in hospital, my father used to visit once a week and bring a can of tobacco. I knew that the can had to last a week so I divvied it into seven portions.   Of course it wasn't enough but I had to smoke a little less.    Do you see my point here?   If your goal is just to survive or make it through the day without too much torment , that's a good goal too! 

My friends completely disowned me when I was diagnosed with schizophrenia.  They didn't or wouldn't understand what I was going through at the time.    I had a nice relationship, though, with someone who could see beyond the veneer of illness.

     I had to rebuild ,as you suggested , my relationships with my family.    It took time but after thirty years the effort is working.

  I guess in closing I might add something I was told once " Be grateful for the things you already have"

Take care

Don Fraser

Thank you so much for your post.  Several things you wrote really rang true with me.  My mom gives a talk about once or twice a year (at our church) on the importance of having goals.  I refused to set goals because I felt I was doomed to fail.  But that was when I was so sick I couldn't even complete a thought, much less try to figure out what I wanted in the future.  But about 2 weeks ago I asked my mom to help me set out some beginning goals.  She did.  Now I have some sense of being productive and somehow more connected with life.

The part about "disconnecting" from family also sounded familiar.  Mine too thought (think) I was just trying to get attention by going in and out of hospitals and trying to commit suicide several times.  They thought I was lazy when I started drawing SSDI every month.  They worked hard at their jobs and thought I could work if I really wanted to.  My younger sister and I had grown apart in the last three years, and she had always been a best friend.  But when I started setting goals, one was that I would no longer just fade into the background and not stand up for myself.  I confronted my sister about the way she treats me and my mom (disrespectfully) and about the way she is always so argumentative.  The time is never "right" for confrontations if you hate them, but I am proud of myself for telling her what I think.  I was actually hoping it might bring us back together.  Instead, she only played the martyr and went on and on about she could say equally damaging things about me, but refused to hurt me like I had hurt her.  It is time to move on and find another best friend, I think.  Don't you?

Carolyn