Coping with Schizophrenia: Don't Compare Yourself to Others

Mark Twain is said to have said, "Common sense is most uncommon." So it must be for the wise and simple suggestion of this blog, applicable not only to those affllicted but for all of us. "Don't compare to others" is of course one of hardest challenges we all face in an increasingly competitive world, especially if one feels as if one is falling behind for a personally psychological beyond one's control.

This must be very hard for a young man whom SZ afflicts. It can also be hard for his father. I was recently discussing with someone the grief this father has felt in reckoning with my newly diagnosed SZ son's new universe. Even though I've always tried to convey to my children the lesson of loving oneself as one is for what one is, early in our SZ journey I felt an aching sadness upon comparing my son's future to that of his peers. All parents hold great ambitions for all their children. SZ can steal away such dreams.

But my friend helped me see this in a different way. "Your son can still be 100%", he advised me. "He can and will be all he wants to be. But he will have to determine for himself his own scale of measurement."

Identical measure, individualized scale. Common sense.

Along with this goes: don't try to meet the expectations of others.  I believe this is what stymied my recovery for several years.  My father kept coming home from work every night asking me how many jobs I had applied for that day, meaning of course that he expected me to work, not "sit around the house all day."  So I tried.  Valiantly.  Courageously.  But it was not to be.  My mother wanted me to attend all the social functions that she enjoyed.  I tried a few times.  I honestly did.  And the experience was horrible every single time.  I felt valuable as a person only if I got my parents' approval.

Recovery started when I honestly evaluated my life and decided to risk their disapproval by setting my own schedule to meet my own goals.  And at first the goals were almost miniscule -- brushing my teeth once a day, taking off my clothes to go to bed, riding my exercise bike for 15 min -- and some were gigantic, like avoiding all possible stress, including finding a job.  This is really when my recovery began.   And my true self-acceptance.  (And I'm still working on it!) 

My JOB in other words, became taking care of myself.

Carolyn