Coping with Schizophrenia: Don't Compare Yourself to Others

When I compared myself with the first group, I found myself inadequate. My grades were good but not comparable. My social life did not impress them. When I compared myself with the second group, I again found myself inadequate. This group found my social life less than interesting. They thought I was bookish.

It seemed to me that I did not measure up academically or socially; I did not have full membership in either group. I felt humiliated and isolated. This troubled me to the point that I began to feel paralyzed in both fields of endeavor.

I blamed my troubles on the fact that I had schizophrenia. After all, the illness had already been a source of great anguish for me. I assumed the illness was crippling me in some fashion which I could not fathom. Symptoms from an earlier point in my illness began to reappear. My paranoia resurfaced. I began to believe the two groups were plotting against me, that they were tearing me limb from limb. I became terrified, on the verge of becoming dysfunctional.

In talking with Dr. Levy, my psychiatrist at the time, he pointed out that I was competing against the best of the best in both groups. Did I really expect to be among the best at everything? Might I be placing unrealistic expectations upon myself? He recommended that I look at my own unique set of skills and employ the coping mechanism set out above. At the time it was a huge challenge to change my thinking and quell the emotional turmoil in which I was caught, but it was something I could do on my own. It didn’t require the approbations or approval of others. I worked hard at it, sometimes teetering on the edge of relapse. The effects were unexpected.

In an attempt to make a long story short, I will jump ahead. Competing against myself turned out to be an excellent approach. It greatly reduced my level of stress. I began to develop my own skills at my own pace, both academically and socially.

Ironically, the leader among my academically oriented friends was elected to President of all the men’s dormitories for our junior year. He appointed me to the coveted position of Social Chairman. Suddenly it was easy to get a date. My paralysis disappeared and my grades improved. I relished both.

For Family Members: First, I suggest that the coping mechanism described above can serve as a personal growth strategy for just about anyone. If you’re not using it, I recommend you try it.

Second, as noted above, this coping mechanism is probably most appropriate for consumers who are entering into recovery (and thereafter). Consumers are vulnerable at this point in their illness. Family members that understand this will probably be more effective in assisting their loved one during this critical stage.

In my experience, it is not helpful for family members to suggest role models for their consumer to emulate. It is not beneficial to express joy that their consumer is finally returning to “his or her old self,” that all their ambitions on hold from yesteryear might once again be possible. Also, it is not productive for a family member to dust off their old expectations concerning the consumer. To do so is to set the consumer up for failure.

Don’t expect immediate results from this coping mechanism. Consumers usually find it difficult to execute this strategy, at least initially. Often they have to unlearn the contrary standards of success they have been taught all their lives.

What a family member can do is to celebrate their consumer’s every success in making each day better than the one before, even if this is just a hug or a slap on the back.

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In closing, I will observe that the coping mechanisms that have been the most productive for me over the long term, both as a consumer and as a family member, have been those that, although not always intuitive, upon further examination made common sense and yet were commonly ignored by others.