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Hello
Valash
Monday, January 19, 2009 at 01:11 PMre: Hello
Robin Cunningham
Wednesday, January 21, 2009 at 01:31 PMAshley:
You're not alone. Often, when many of us first develop schizophrenia we had no idea we are ill. The court mandated your treatment with medications. I also swore I would never take meds, but I was thirteen years old and my parents didn't give me any options. I will forever be greatful that they did this because it has given me a life to lead.
If I stop my medications, within three days all my old symptoms start coming back, the hallucinations, paranoia, everything, and I recognize that something is wrong. If I'm off my medications for ten days or mpre I no longer believe that I am ill. When things don't go right for me I begin to blame others.
We are so lucky to have these medications that enable us to function. My grandfather, uncle, and aunt didn't have medications, and they didn't have much of a life.
Pax [Latin for Peace]
Because of the above, I'm afraid of not taking my meds. The medications get rid of a lot of problems for me and open a lot of opportunities for me.
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insight/acceptance
DCROY9633
Tuesday, January 20, 2009 at 11:57 AMI had been getting progressively sicker for several years before I sought treatment. So I had insight. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that something was wrong inside my head. I was willing to do anything to get better. Including taking all the pills that were thrown at me, including ECT sessions, years of therapy. Oddly enough, it was not intil I started feeling better that I decided there must not have really been anything wrong with me. A latent lack of insight. I wanted to be free of the medications and all the doctor and therapist visits. I thought I could make it on my own from that point on. Of course, it didn't take long to prove me wrong. But for years after, I waged a personal war against medication. It took a long time for me to once again admit I needed professional help and medication in order to feel better. I researched bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and dissociative identity disorder, feeling I had some of the symptoms of each. Seeing the symptoms in black and white in the DSM helped me come back around to the belief I did have a mental illness that required treatment.
Still sometimes I don't take the meds. Still sometimes I feel I am possibly cured. Still sometimes I wake in the middle of the night with everything going crazy inside my head. And I know it's back. So I don't know that I have really come to terms with it, even after all these years. Maybe it is pride. I have trouble admitting something is wrong with that most precious of treasures -- my mind.
Carolyn
re: insight/acceptance
Robin Cunningham
Wednesday, January 21, 2009 at 01:50 PMCarolyn:
If someone were to ask, we could explain to them that acceptance often does not come easily, and it can sometimes be very hard to maintain. I have so many friends that have been on and off medications for years. When we are taking meds that make us whole the idea that we no longer need them is very seductive, especially if these medications have nasty side effects. Sometimes it seems that the "cure" is wose than the illness.
Over the long haul, however, taking the meds, at least for me, has been the way to go.
All my best,
Robin
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Acceptance
Don Fraser
Tuesday, January 20, 2009 at 07:57 PMI guess you could say that acceptance for me has been a journey.
I sense that it's like that for most of us.
We start out with a kind of blurry picture of words like "disabled' and "mentally ill" and schizophrenic and handicapped and we gradually, over time grasp what the meaning of the words are and how we relate to them.
Eventually we arrive at a point in the journey where we are satisfied with the results of our acceptance and we kind of coagulate into a new peer group. Then we sally forth into another journey.
Shalom
Don Fraser
re: Acceptance
Robin Cunningham
Wednesday, January 21, 2009 at 02:04 PMHi Don:
Mastering the challenge of taking our meds as proscribed can be a real struggle, especially if they have difficult side affects. But defeating ths challenge (complete complaince with meds that work), however, opens the doors to very exciting possiblities. Acceptance is the point at which we begin to rebuild our lives. And this latter journey is hard, painful, and frustrating, but wonderfully rewarding. The benefits become greater and greater.
Pax,
Robin
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At first I did not know I was sick when they started giving me medication, so I refused the medication and nurses had to force it on me, after my family had the judge mandate medication compliance. Months later the doctor sat me down and told me I have schizophrenia, which explains my paranoia and other symptoms...That was a little over a year ago. Now I take my medication regularly without a fight.
Nice poem.
Ashley