I had been getting progressively sicker for several years before I sought treatment.  So I had insight.  I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that something was wrong inside my head.  I was willing to do anything to get better.  Including taking all the pills that were thrown at me, including ECT sessions, years of therapy.  Oddly enough, it was not intil I started feeling better that I decided there must not have really been anything wrong with me.  A latent lack of insight.  I wanted to be free of the medications and all the doctor and therapist visits.  I thought I could make it on my own from that point on.  Of course, it didn't take long to prove me wrong.  But for years after, I waged a personal war against medication.  It took a long time for me to once again admit I needed professional help and medication in order to feel better.  I researched bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and dissociative identity disorder, feeling I had some of the symptoms of each.  Seeing the symptoms in black and white in the DSM helped me come back around to the belief I did have a mental illness that required treatment.

Still sometimes I don't take the meds.  Still sometimes I feel I am possibly cured.  Still sometimes I wake in the middle of the night with everything going crazy inside my head.  And I know it's back.  So I don't know that I have really come to terms with it, even after all these years.  Maybe it is pride.  I have trouble admitting something is wrong with that most precious of treasures -- my mind.

Carolyn

Robin Cunningham

1/21/09 1:50pm

 

Carolyn:

 

If someone were to ask, we could explain to them that acceptance often does not come easily, and it can sometimes be very hard to maintain.  I have so many friends that have been on and off medications for years.  When we are taking meds that make us whole the idea that we no longer need them is very seductive, especially if these medications have nasty side effects.  Sometimes it seems that the "cure" is wose than the illness.

 

Over the long haul, however, taking the meds, at least for me, has been the way to go.

 

All my best,

 

Robin

  

Dear Ropen,

I would like to share my brother's story with you, who is suffering from Schizophrenia for more than 12 years.

Back to childhood, my brother was normal who was able to play, laugh and having friends. However, he has suffered from tough childhood as the family was treating him in a bad way, sometimes being beated and not given that much of support and confidence from the whole family . Year after year, he started to have lack of self confidence and started to be isolated.... Many weird things started to happen as we were aware of that he started to do some sexual harassment with his sisters.

Then at the age of 16, he started to be really isolated and having some problems with family members, and he didn't get the support of his own family in solving out his anger and issues. Limited experience and knowledge, form our side, has the major contribution of having "no action" towards his problems.

This situation continued till he graduated from college, bachelor degree of Computer Science. He started to have some job interviews, and as expected, he wasn't accepted in any job. All people can notice that there is something wrong with him and the way he has to take a long time in response. And yet, no action from our side.

Then he started to hear voices, and have some illusion that some neighbors are talking about him and they are planning to kill him. Then he started to see laser rays through his computer.

Then in 2005, my parents decided to take him to psychiatrist, and he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. He started to take "Seroquel" for 1 year, then he switched to "Zyprexa" for 2 years, then finally "Zeldox", and he is still taking the last one.

Recently, we have noticed an improvement of the way he talks and his reactions started to be faster. However, he couldn't find a job, still no one can accept him and we don't have our own business so that he can work there. And lately he started to think about marriage which we think, deep inside, that he will not be able to manage and be responsible for wife and kids.

The main problem now that we, as a family, are not able to help him to recover from his illness, be part of society again, be productive or at least be able to help himself out on the simplest things, such as preparing his food.

He had gain a lot of weight, till he reached 120 KG (240 pounds) and now he is not able to do any simple exercise or walking from room to room. We have serious concerns that he may suffer on the long run from chronic diseases if he continued to gain weight like this. And as a Schizophrenia patient, it is really hard to convince him to go out and do some exercises.

The problem is that we are living in Saudi Arabia, where the psychology treatment or sessions is really rare, and mostly not developed. Maybe sending him to USA may help as I am pretty sure that they have many developed rehabilitation treatment to help such mental illness patients can be engaged to normal people again. We really hope to find some institution specialized in rehabilitation for such diseases.

What is really torturing us is that we really feel more like being statues just watching  him eating and sleeping in his own room 24 hours, day after day,  and haven't step out of the house since 10 years not knowing  what's going on in the World and that the  World itself  doesn't accept him.

Year after year, it seems it is getting much harder than ever and living that way of life is not an option for a normal active human being. You may wonder where the parents are to solve this issue! let's just say that being busy with supporting an income since we were seven children in the same house it was a huge burden. The main problem is that everyone else is being busy with his own problems that.

We worry all the time about what is going to happen in the future, is he going to be dependent till the last day of his life? Is there any way that he will be engaged with "life" again? Is he going to be normal again? Is there any way to help him?

My brother has suffered enough with this illness, all by his self. No matter what we tried to convince ourselves that we feel his pain and know what he is going through, we would be kidding ourselves and we really should get some help from professionals, something to be in parallel with medication.

 With your help we might be able to actually do something and make a difference and reborn him to different way of life, a normal one!

We are seeking for help! We really do. Maybe sharing this experience with people who are already engaged with such a dieses may help us out.

Please forgive me for any English mistakes since my mother language is Arabic.

Thanks

Christina Bruni

12/11/09 6:31am

Hello Monna,

 

You are courageous and brave to talk about your brother's experiences with schizophrenia.  I have heard from other people in Saudia Arabia that treatment such as a day program does not exist there.  Are there any other social programs, such as a residence where he can live and will have a case manager to look after his mental health services?  In the U.S., such living arrangements are paid by government disability checks.  Is there some kind of disability check he can get from your government?

 

If at all your brother has any social skills he might want to try doing volunteer work, even if he does so on a limited basis. That would be volunteer work where he helps out a non-profit agency doing things like assembling newsletters or other things.

 

Please feel free to post here again.  Robin is no longer an expert blogger here however I am and there are other community members who would support you and stand by you as you seek to help out your brother.

 

Best wishes,

Christina

Natasha

12/17/09 6:15am

Hello Christina,

 

Thank you for your concerns and quick respond. It really feels good when you feel that there are some people on this green earth who know how hard it is to be in such situation.

 

We don't have such programs in Saudi Arabia. Furthermore, we hold Jordanian nationality, and if there is such programs in Saudi Arabia it won't be for free, and it would cost a lot with no real benefit for curing the disease. However, we come and go to Jordan a lot, and I can much pretty tell you that the situation in Jordan is not that much better.

 

The main problem is that such programs in UAS will be very expensive, taking into consideration the salary hierarchy differences between the US and Middle East countries.  I heard that there are a lot of charity organization that would cover such day-to-day treatments. However, I am not sure if these organizations would cover that for internationals (i.e: non American).

 

Are you aware of any of those? Or can you please help us in giving me some names for centers, so that I can make my own research and see how much it will cost us?

my brother speaks English and Russian, so i don't think he would face a problem being arrounf English speakers.

 

I think the immediate intervention may give him a helping hand, and rescue him and us, his family !

 

Thank you a lot for the help,

 

I really appreciate it