Delusions of Grandeur and Paranoia

Delusions of Paranoia and Grandeur are common among those of us with schizophrenia.  These are generally constructed from materials at hand.  It appears that religious ideation has been the most common over the centuries.  In the 1950s abduction by space travelers or anything to do with the CIA were popular.  In my experience, and the experience of many others, these delusions do not represent irrational thinking so much as rational thought based on aberrant belief systems.  These beliefs in turn are the product of faulty brain chemistry.

 
A Simple Example: If you truly believed that the CIA was out to kill you, you too would look through the Venetian blinds before you left the house and frequently check the rearview mirror in your car.  In all probability, you would carefully watch everyone and everything around you.  Inevitably, however, the question arises - Why is the CIA trying to kill me?  I’ve done nothing wrong.  The obvious answer is – I must be something special.  I must be set apart.  But how?  In what way?

 
The odd behaviors of many people who suffer from delusions of grandeur and/or paranoia become quite sensible if you examine the belief systems on which these are based.  What many people fail to understand is that paranoia and delusions of grandeur are often closely related.  These can be two sides of the same coin.  This fact often creates a great deal of confusion.

 
In my case, the delusions of paranoia were the first to develop.  I thought that Satan was trying to possess me and had assigned three demons [which I named One, Two and Three] to prepare me for this singular event, which they described as my “destiny.”  My visual hallucinations involving strange illuminations of selected items in the room simply poured gasoline on the fire.  An abridged excerpt from my memoir will illustrate.  In reading this, you will be made privy to the seemingly uneventful creation of a delusion of grandeur; one that turned out to be the central focus of my life for many years.

* * *

Sitting quietly in the patient lounge, I waited patiently for the mysterious light to return, to highlight the vase as it had the day before.

“We told you the yellow vase was only the beginning,” Two said.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Your preparation, of course,” One replied

“I don’t believe in this preparation of yours.”

“Do you deny that yesterday the French doors were illuminated like the yellow vase?”  Two asked.

“No.  But it has nothing to do with any sort of preparation to serve Satan.”

“Surely you saw the door shining a brilliant white and the windows like diamonds?”  Three asked.

“That doesn’t prove anything.”

“We’re wasting our time with this dingbat!”  Three said.  “He doesn’t get it?  Even a dunce would know the light clearly indicates the doors lead to somewhere special and the yellow vase marks the way.”