“Oh, I believe these are all marks of something special, just not your lousy preparation.”

Convinced the illumination of the vase and French doors, as well as the arrangement of the furniture in the lounge were most significant, I had carefully studied the layout, the positions of the chairs in relation to the couch and the coffee table, all the spaces and angles in the room.

“We know you’ve figured out the importance of the lounge furniture,” Three said.  “We watched you as you studied the layout of the room.”

“And you continue to insist this all has to do with my preparation to serve Satan?”

“What else could it possibly mean?”  One asked.

“These must all be signs from God!”

I could feel my heart beating faster at this realization.  It was exhilarating.  All of a sudden it all made sense!

“What?”  Three scoffed.  “What would make you think something so absurd?”

“God has given me a mission and the illuminations are clues to guide me.  Part of my mission is to interpret these.”

 
“Why would god resort to using clues?”

“God is using clues that only I will understand.  No one else is to know the details of my mission.”

“Let me get this straight,” Two said.  “Our Benefactor has spent weeks preparing you.  He has talked directly to you and offered you wonderful things.  He’s even sent three of us to counsel you.  Meanwhile, your precious god has not made even one appearance.  And now you suddenly conclude that the illuminations, our Benefactor’s magnificent efforts to prepare you for your destiny, are god’s handiwork.  That’s just absurd.”

“God has given me a mission.  The only reason Satan and the three of you have been hanging around is to screw things up.”

“Talk about arrogance,” Three said.  “This is unbelievable.”

“I have been chosen to be God’s humble servant.”

“You’re sadly mistaken,” One said, sounding as if he were hurt.  “These are all doorways you must pass through to complete your preparation.  Your destiny lies on the other side.  You must pass through these portals and embrace it.”

I knew my demons were not only wrong but deliberately trying to mislead me.  Recent events were clearly signs from God intended to inform me about the nature of my mission.  As with the prophets of old, He expected me to struggle to understand His message.  As a consequence I was growing stronger in my convictions in preparation for the challenges I would face.  I was thrilled.  I had been chosen to do some special work for God.  It was the highest calling of all.

* * *

 
The perspectives on schizophrenia I provide are not those of a psychiatrist, psychologist or licensed clinical social worker, but rather a consumer and family member.  I have walked the walk on both sides of the street.  As such, I can speak with experiential authority.  It is my objective to share with you, as best I can, what my experience with schizophrenia has been like on a day to day basis, i.e., to compare notes with you.   Equally important, I will also make observations about being a family member and advocate based on my own experience.  Any observations or comments you choose to make in return will be of great value.