Rose, the pro editor, and I met on Saturday when she gave me the 229-page manuscript slashed with line edits. She told me I could approach the revisions in a three-step process. Rose and the other two editors were brutally honest in their critique. Hey, that's what I paid them for!
Coming back with a memoir that needs a "gut renovation" disheartened me, even though one of the editors said the book will have a large readership. As I reflected on the work I need to do now, I felt how apropros of recovery: to navigate shifting tides. And so my December 1st goal of querying 15 literary agents has been put on hold, because the manuscript is simply not in the shape it needs to be for an agent to sell it to a publisher.
As I said in a previous blog entry, "Life will tell you," and so I take my own advice. What seemed clear and doable the last time I posted "Goal Setting for Beginners" has turned out to be not quite S.M.A.R.T. in light of the new information.
That's how it is in recovery as in life: we need to be open to changes that are in our best interest. Developing a thick skin as a writer mirrors for me the strong ego we all need when faced with stigma and rejection.
Such is the lot of life: we can be strong and vulnerable, emotional and resilient. The mantra of not giving up hope applies here as well. It may take longer to get to publication, and so be it. My friend M. told me, "It's not a race."
How truly that describes recovery as well as any kind of self-improvement: it's not a race. Back in the early 1990s, I rushed through things, went on a drug holiday, and almost took a permanent detour. I'll give you this advice: "slow and steady" trumps being impatient with yourself.
My S.M.A.R.T. goal, revised, based on the new information I didn't have two weeks ago, now reads as follows:
- Re-read the edited manuscript tonight.
- Spend the weekend making "the cuts."
- Next week finish the cuts, and print up the new manuscript.
- Separate the 229 pages into four sections of 50 pages each
- By the end of October, revise the first 50 pages.
- In November, edit the next 50 pages, and so on until the end of January.
That gives me a tentative date of February when I can query literary agents again. I still hold out the goal of publishing the book by the time I'm 44. And I believe, as I always have, that goal-seeking behavior is a trait that enables us to do well in recovery.
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Last night I e-mailed the editor to thank her, and this morning she responded, saying I shouldn't be discouraged and that "Your first draft was indeed impressive." And so I continue. In life as in literature, I remember that it takes time and effort and patience to achieve a goal. Because I believe in my memoir, I'm not going to quit until it's in the best possible form for publication.
Today on the train going into the City, it was calming to edit the first 50 pages. I attended a homebuyers' workshop for first-time homeowners, and even there, the woman who taught the class told us, "It could take some people 20 years to save for a down payment."
