When I used to do yoga, that kind of exercise was called "meditation in movement." So, too, this is the theme of my life. In the coming blog entries, I'm going to talk about topics that are central to doing well in recovery, including relationships.
For now, I want to talk about the concept of meditation in movement. When I told my therapist I wanted to have a calm mind, he gently suggested, "No one could have a calm mind." The goal is to be at ease in the world. All of us have good days and not-so-good days, even if we don't have schizophrenia. To be at ease as often as possible—to hold our own—is the best coping skill.
I'm meeting someone at Starbuck's on Saturday and I intend to ask her, "Is it always easy for you?" I want to know if other people struggle as much as it seems I do. To hear my friend tell me honestly that she does, I wouldn't feel so alone.
My theme of meditation in movement features into this because I expect to be on the move. What I want to accomplish will require that I multi-task in my mind and shift from worrying to focusing and accepting that the worry will return, as it is part of my nature.
I espouse a coping skill that is an instant form of meditating, though the stereotype of one who meditates is a Buddha in repose. Rather, what I can do is "reality check" when I begin to worry. This will help you, too, test what's going on and come up with a different take on it instead of paranoia. I've decided it will be of great benefit when I begin to worry how I look to others when I'm out in public.
An example: Sunday I met the other writers at Tillie's to talk shop. As we rose to leave, I noticed the strap of my backpack was stuck under the metal table leg. If I tried to pull it out, I felt the water bottles and food container on the table would roll around if not fall off. Screw it, I said, and took the items up to place in the trash container, and went back to lift the table so I could retrieve my backpack. As I walked away, Maya reminded, "Chris, you left your bag on the chair." I had come in with a paper bag because I'd bought a scarf at the nearby flea market before meeting the women.
By that time, I felt there was no easy way to exit Tillie's gracefully, and I felt like I was on display. When I arrived home, I remembered that fifteen years ago—dining in the Hard Rock Café with a friend—I also worried what the other diners thought of me. This comes and goes. It doesn't happen all the time, only at certain times. A sense of humor is the ultimate weapon when the worry infiltrates my mind. Beset this way, I'm not in the throes of worry and able to accept what goes on and shrug it off. The agony is real to me. Only when the event ends do I feel okay.
As you can see, meditation in movement is a key skill to use to be out in the world, a world that is changing every day. The meditation aspect involves simple breathing techniques that a person can do quietly so that no one is aware, like breathing in deeply and slowly to the count of three, and exhaling to the count of four.
