There were times at first when I was not capable of signing a check, driving a car, taking care of personal hygeine, watching a movie, reading, or making even the smallest decision.  All at the same time I was adjusting to the idea of my diagnosis, taking heavy-duty meds, divorce, losing my job, losing my house to foreclosure, and to top it all, my precious dog I'd had for 13 yrs had to be euthanized.  It seemed like the dark forest rose on all sides and there was no way out.  Except for suicide.  And I tried that too.

Then something quite wonderful happened.  I found another woman a few years older than me, and she had been struggling with bipolar disorder for 30 years.  So, I found in her someone with whom I could discuss the good, the bad, and the ugly.  We grew to support each other through the best and the worst of times.  We still do, going on about 10 yrs.  Last week we ate breakfast out and spent 2 hours catching up.  For once we were both on an upswing and our medications were working and we were making new and exciting plans for the future.  We have much in common.  She told me that I am the only person who understands why she has a hard time getting out of bed in time for church.  I told her I couldn't go to church for years, even though I wanted to, because the Zyprexa made me so sleepy.  Now I can make it to Sunday School every Sunday but I still rarely make it to the church service.  Still, I celebrate every time I step on that next rung.

Carolyn