An Interview With Paulette

So I believe strongly our course shows there are ways to talk and to diffuse anger, and there are ways to get confidence so they can have a good relationship with their loved one. So that's what we offer and it works. Families come out stronger, more peaceful and hopeful. That's my hope: that a person comes away more hopeful.

CB: What can you say to a mother or father who bats their head against a treatment team that won't talk about their adult son or daughter?
P: We offer them a few informal as well as formal suggestions: You can write a letter or make a phone call to the professional and say, "I know that there are privacy laws, but we want you to know this is what we're seeing, this is what we're observing." I encourage them to keep a journal-a log-and jot down the behaviors or symptoms, anything they feel is not the norm of behavior. If they have education behind them and understand certain symptoms and a range of symptoms they're encountering in their loved ones, we encourage them to at least get that info to the doctor, knowing that he or she doesn't have to reveal or say anything to them of course unless their loved one has given permission. One way we can get around it is to tell the family members to contact the professional through a letter or phone call.

Of course that's a frustrating and difficult aspect, and I've said to them, "Build a rapport with the psychiatrist or therapist. Treat them with respect and thank them for all the good they're doing. Build an honest, professional rapport with them so that they know where you're coming from, that you have knowledge and know what you're talking about and aren't reacting." You would be following our guidelines as to what to look for as respect to bipolar, schizophrenia or any of the other mental illnesses. So that you don't worry you're exaggerating and that your son or daughter is just going through a bad time. We still emphasis the more knowledge you have, the more you can present it in a way that the professional can understand or at least listen, and take the info and use it in their sessions.

CB: You became active in NAMI because your son was diagnosed with SZ. What was running through your head when he had his break?
P: Oh, well. When David had his break-he was in the hospital four times. The first was a series of months where his behavior seemed bizarre, unusual. He was not able to focus, couldn't carry on a conversation and was repeating himself, losing things and getting lost. My feelings all through those years were fear and hoping against hope that maybe I was exaggerating, maybe he was just going through a bad time. I had just lost my husband so David at that time was only 19 and I thought he was angry or grieving and not knowing how to express his grief.

I was worried, I was afraid, I was confused. I felt embarrassed to tell my friends what was going on because so many of them had been good to me during the illness and death of my husband so I didn't want to put them through worry and fear for my son. I did get him to a doctor-and as happened to many of us, the diagnosis wasn't accurate. Until he had a psychotic break and he came home hysterically crying that people were going to slice his face. At that time my daughter and I brought him to my Mom and Dad's house and we called an ambulance that brought him to the hospital. That's when they gave me the diagnosis of SZ and in some strange way I was almost relieved to know there was an illness or a reason he was behaving this way.