Question of the Week - Turning Point

For me, I knew things had changed when I went back to school.  There, I met people who had lived all over the world and struck up a friendship with an Arab women I stayed in touch with after we graduated.

 

At that time, a subtle shift occurred.  I used to listen to weird music and had come home from the mall with a Frente CD and was listening to it in my basement room at my parents' house.  It was an eerie experience because I felt the singer was talking to me; the lyrics said something about the suburbs.  I wrote about this briefly in my Joyful Music blog a couple weeks ago.

 

This freak-out was the beginning of distancing myself from the past, my days as a disc jockey on a college radio station.  I realized those days were gone and I could embrace a better future where I didn't identify myself with the strange records I spun in the on-air studio.

 

You may wonder why I embarked on a career in business if my true talents were as a writer and librarian.  I took my first job as an administrative assistant, obtained my P&C broker's license, and floundered through one job after another.  It had been my goal, almost as soon as I was diagnosed, to find full-time work so I could live independently.  I took the first jobs I was offered so that I could afford to live solo.

 

After a wrenching year at the last insurance brokerage, I met a therapist who did career counseling by day.  He could only see me for five visits because I had a pre-existing condition, so the health plan wouldn't authorize any more visits.

 

The wind-up was he suggested I'd make a good librarian, and on my own I followed through with that goal and applied to the three library schools in New York City, and chose Pratt Institute.

 

When I realized, that night in the basement listening to Frente, that my former life was over, it was the beginning as I said of charting my true recovery.

 

I was no longer nostalgic for those years I considered my glory days; I realized that there would be other good times in the future, that I could create my own happiness.  I was finally able to live life on my own terms instead of taking action in response to the disability.

 

Will write more later after other people have a chance to chime in.

 

Christina

September 13th 1990. That's my sobriety date.

 

I was in a psych unit at the city hospital. It was one of several admissions there. The pdoc was a new guy. He asked about my drug use, which was none, and my alcohol use. At that time I was a heavy drinker. I told him I drank alot. He said I know because you have bad teeth and bad feet, an alcoholic condition. He said I cannot tell you that you are an alcoholic. I told him I thought I may be. He said that there's an AA meeting at the church up the street from the hospital. He gave me permission to go. It was a Sunday night. I didn't know what to expect. I arrived early and helped set up chairs. In the meeting they asked if anyone was new. I raised my hand and said "I am." Everyone said "welcome." During the meeting they went round table and gave all a chance to speak. There were about 18 people there. When it was my turn, I sheepishly told the group that I was a drunk and needed help. They gave me a "one day at a time" medallion. Near the end of the meeting I joined the group and made it my "home group." They told me to keep coming back. No where I've ever been told me to keep come back.

 

AA taught me how to "take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth."

 

AA saved my life. I was introduced to a whole new way of life. I learned to listen, be patient and feel again. Up until that day I never had more then two emotions, anger and happy.

 

The AA principals I still use to this day. I quit smoking using the AA ways. I reflect back on those days. Good memories.

 

The hope I send out is that by stopping drinking and drugs your life will change for the better. Take your meds, see your pdoc and get help anyway and anywhere.

 

Dave

Hi there. recovery has taken a good 10 years and is still continuing, but there have been a couple of turning points in my recovery- such as commitment to the medications and acceptance that I need them. Having a job for one year was a major event for me because I could never hold down a stable job for maybe longer than a couple of months. Medication helped with that , another turning point was my readiness to have a relationship. I hadn't been in a relationship for many years until recently. And another was success at having (renting) a place of my own. My personal history doesn't look good to many people, I have been in and out of homes, jobs, phone numbers, and schools. Not many people are willing to give me a chance. I don't have good friends yet, but I hope to rebuild my social network as the next step in my recovery. Here's to the future!

The first of several turning points happened late in 2002.  I was in the hospital again and my doctor finally leveled with me.  He said if I didn't take my meds as prescribed that I would never recover, that I would keep going downhill.  He predicted that on my present course, in 15-20 yrs that someone else would have to be responsible for my care.  I wouldn't be able to take care of myself.  That scared me.  At the time, I hated him for giving me such a bad prognosis.  But I began to realize that recovery was not up to my doctor or a hospital, it was up to me.  And taking the meds became a goal, not an obstacle.

 

A second turning point was when the "people" in my head went away.  Overnight.  They had been there since I was 10 yrs old, watching me all the time.  What a relief to have privacy again!  I credit this to the medication.  I think that was 2004.  My lifetime depression also went away about that time.

 

And third, my social anxiety and paranoia disappeared.  In 2008.  That made it possible to make some friends, to go to wedding showers and other parties as well as family get-togethers, and to start doing things for other people.  For so long, all of the focus was on me and my needs.  I think it had to be that way in order for me to get better.  But once I could put part of the focus on others, I started feeling a new kind of joy and satisfaction.

 

For me, recovery is one part courage, one part medication, and one part learning to give of myself.

 

Carolyn

Hello again,

 

Just a note: I went back to school 10 years after I was diagnosed.  So yes it took that long to find the ground beneath my feet.

 

Right now I want to recommend you Google "Miley Cyrus Climb lyrics" or download on iTunes her song "The Climb."  She sings: "It's not about what's waiting on the other side-it's the climb."  She talks about there being other mountains to move.

 

The struggle is not in vain.

 

One day, early on when I first started seeing Dr. Altman, he told me, "You see me?  I have a thing.   The guy in the other office, he has a thing.  You just have something a little harder."  I felt better hearing that.

 

I can only respect anyone who has a mountain to climb.

 

Christina

The most important turning point was just after my third breakdown in December 2002 when I began taking the medications. I continued to write in a journal, but this time I used the journal to teach myself how to take better care of myself. I followed some of the 12 step philosophy that I had learned in Al-Anon such as practicing gratitude, deepening my spiritual practice, keeping the focus of myself and not on my delusions. I was still in a great deal of pain, but one day I asked my voices if it was "okay" to let go of my major delusion that I was telepathically connected to a rock star/serial killer. They said "It's about time..." After that most of my delusions and paranoia faded, though I still had to struggle with serious depression for quite a while. This is how I began my journal after my breakdown: Tues. 1/8/02 Things I need to remember: 1. Consistently take Risperdal and Prozac every night and day. 2. Therapy once a week to be supplemented by support groups, especially when my therapist is away on vacation. 3. Read daily/nightly support literature and work on my program. 4. Write regularly in a journal to keep track of my progress. 5. Make sure to get plenty of rest i.e. when I get tired, I should lie down even for a short while. 6. Eat regular meals. 7. Get satellite dish working--Watch some T.V. every day, it helps to keep me in touch with reality.