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This week's question is about lessons learned throughout the years of our recovery. What is some of the best advice you were given? What insights did you discover that allowed you to break through?
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Question of the Week - Lessons Learned
7/13/09 2:54pm
A really good question this week. Where do I begin?
I had a case manager after my discharge from the state hospital who counseled me alot! One thing he said in response, to my doctors knowing nothing attitude was "give them a try. You are not a doctor let him do his job."
Take your meds. Take them the same time everyday. Keeping a constant flow of meds is good for balance.
A boss told me that I was only worth .85 and hour. I worked harder and over time I stepped into his shoes. Thus reinforcing good work habits.
Get honest with myself.
A huge lesson was stay away from street drug, smoking cigarettes, alcohol and caffeine.
Do what you love. I love writing, cooking and baking.
I've learned these past two years, that reaching out unselfishly is a great way to give back the deeds given to me.
My insights have propelled me to new heights and a way better life. If I stopped reaching for the stars, I wouldn't get the moon.
I always saw my through. I listened to people. Took AA's advice to "take what I wanted and leave the rest."
Never, ever give up. This too shall pass. Think, think, think.. are more of AA's slogans.
Take risks. Give yourself a reward for doing something.
And finally accept your illness accept yourself and "love thyself."
Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,
Dave
7/17/09 11:20am
When my dad was dying of Alzheimer's, I read several books about the subject. One thing all the books emphasized that the caregiver needed to take care of herself first in order to be in good shape to take care of her patient. I've also heard that you must love yourself before you can love others and please yourself before you can please others. All this to say that I learned to put my health (mental and physical) first. I instinctively knew I would not get well unless I did. I accomplished this in several ways.
Frist of all, I got a divorce. Not that this is something I would necessarily advise others to do, but I had been in an abusive marriage for 13 yrs. And I think those years of heartache contributed to my developing sz. Then I moved in with my parents, which was not a perfect situation, but one that was necessary.
Second, I was very ill with sz -- all the classic symptoms. Still, I tried to hold down a job because my father expected me to. I tried about 10 jobs and couldn't manage to keep any of them. I think I started getting well when I accepted the fact that I couldn't work at that time, despite the wishes of others. As a matter of fact, I couldn't even help my mother with the housework. Not doing laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuuming, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. Nothing. I mostly sat in my room and watched TV or rested. I didn't even worry about nutrition and exercise -- even those factors were too much for me to handle. It was all I could do to stay out of the hospital.
Third, I applied for and received SSDI which, added to a small disability pension, allowed me to have a little financial leeway. Right now, I am able to keep my own apartment because of that. I don't worry about what other people think about it, although I have received some negative comments.
It was as if I had to totally crash before I could reboot. But medication and a good therapist helped put me back in working order. Gradually, as I felt like it, I was able to add a few things to my life that had been important in the past. Going to church, reading, watching movies, painting, writing, etc. I hadn't been able to do those things in years.
And now...voila! Here I am in good health mentally and physically, living independently, making new friends, doing volunteer work, helping take care of my mother, and more. I had to put myself first in order to recover. Now I am well enough to help others.
Carolyn
7/17/09 7:32pm
Thanks so much Carolyn, that is a really encouraging post. I have limitations too and have to take care of myself, and cannot do that much, and look forward to doing more when I'm ready. We just can't do what normal people do as people with an illness. I read that it schizophrenia is considered by the World Health Organization to be one of the top most debilitating diseases.
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The single best wisdom I received from my therapist T. who told me to respect myself and in turn I realized that meant knowing my limits. To this day I feel the SZ robbed me of certain things. T. quoted the Greeks, "Know Thyself" and one thing I know is that I won't be happy unless I'm doing my writing or listening to music, my first and second great loves. Four years ago I had a boyfriend who expected me to be someone I couldn't. He prized being "normal" and told me once that he was "almost normal now." Well that word rubs me the wrong way. He felt people could look at him and know he had a mental illness, which was not true.
I learned this lesson in time. I knew someone else who was a certain way and at the time [circa 200 to 2004] I couldn't deal with his quirks. Back then I wanted above all to fit in and be "normal" and I couldn't see why this person couldn't change. It was almost like I judged him. When I left and moved on and started my writing career, and became a mental health activist, I understood that I was wrong.
A woman I interviewed in 2006 told me, "Normal is a dial on the washing machine."
So the number one thing I learned was that I was OK just the way I am, and this changed my perception of other people. So that today I feel everyone needs to be given a wide latitude to express themselves and be who they are.
I believe each person has their own blueprint for recovery based on their unqiue talents, strengths and personalities.