Dealing with a difficult co-worker

Janet:

What is happening to you at Cracker Barrel has happen to me several times.  The truth probably is that you've done nothing to cause this person to treat you as she has.  I'll bet she treats other employees (except her boss) the same.

In my family we call such a individual a "special person."  I had an aunt that was this way and the family finally began to just ignore her.  This frustrated her and made her even worse for a while, but nobody cared.  If you let a "special person" get to you, they can make your life miserable.  So, since her behavior has, in all probabilty, not been caused by anything you've done, you should just ignore her contentious attitude.  Although "special people" can say hurtful things, one has to remember the problem is really theirs, not yours.

I had a boss once that would verbally and emotionally beat up on his direct reports every chance he got.  I began to notice after working for him a while that he beat up on me a great deal more than anyone else.  So one day I asked him why he beat me up so often.  He thought about it for a minute and replied - "Because I know you're not going to go home and shoot yourself."

I took his comment as a compliment.  He had obviusly concluded that I was the strongest employee he had.  It turns out that before I started at the company, some one had gone home and shot themselves.  Don't ever let that happen to you.

In my experience, if people don't treat you right it is almost always something going on their life that causes it.  So, don't let her burden you with her private problems.  Write her comments and attitude off as her problems and concentrate on doing your job.  You'll be just fine.  In fact, you might very well end up being her boss.

Blog and tell me what happens.   

My very best,

Robin

This may sound like exactly opposite of what you would like to do, but you might say to her one day, "What can I do today to make your day better and make you more successful?"  She will probably be so surprised she will be at a loss for words.  And she may tell you yes, there is something you can do for her.  Do it.  I have found this helps with the "special people" in my life.

I have a similar problem with a family member, my brother.  I live with my 81 yr old mother and we really take excellent care of each other but I am on a limited budget and can't afford house repairs.  My brother has tons of money, so I expect him to help sometimes. 

So Mom needed a railing put by the lower stairs in our front yard.  Otherwise, she was unable to use the stairs unassisted.  So after months, he finally called a wrought iron company a few times and they refused to contract for such a small job.  So he thought he would do it himself.  We have beautiful black wrought iron railing and trim on the upper stairs and porch, so I expected him to do something like that.

Instead, he put up two shiny metal poles and mounted a board toward the top to act as a rail.  That's it -- the wood is not weather treated, it is splintery, it is not painted, etc.  My sister saw it for the first time today and she stood outside for a few moments staring at it, then she came in and said, "Who put that doodoo in your yard?"  She thought it was horribly ugly, as did Mom and I.  She plans to do something about it but Mom is afraid of upsetting my brother by re-doing it the right way.  The thing is, my brother would absolutely NOT put some monstrosity like that in front of his house.  It is kind of a slap in the face.

So how do I deal with him?  I entertained the possibility that he did a really bad job in order to keep Mom from asking him to do anything ever again.  (And she might not.) I thought about just chalking it up to bad taste.  But actually, I think he just doesn't care.  He did the quickest, easiest thing to solve her problem rather than actually putting up a railing she could be proud of.  Now it is an eyesore in our front yard.

But at least I am not responsible for his actions.  And if people ask, I can say, "Yes, my brother did that."

Carolyn

Hello Janet,

I second what Robin said and third what Carolyn said.

This woman is jealous of you, mark my words.

You have been on the job a short while and impressed everyone else, so she feels threatened.

The problem is her, not you.  You haven't done anything to cause this ill treatment.

I would do the opposite of what she expects.

Also, if she tries to give you work to do, and she's not your boss, technically, you can say, "I'll see Clara [or whoever the name of your boss is] about that, thank you."

Sounds like you have a miserable co-worker on hand who is dissatisfied with her life.  Does she sigh a lot, too?  Roll her eyes?  We've all had someone like that.

Keep up a positive spirit.  When you go home from work, do some exercise to calm down and do something to take your mind off it.

Peace,

Chri

Wanted to Thank each one of you who took the time to read my share post and to Thank each of you for your suggestions. As usual each of you made me realize that it all walks of life we will face difficult people but then why let them ruin your day?

Thanks so much for anwering my plea for help and May God Bless Everyone !

Sincerely Yours,

Janet