Dear Just me,

I feel the same my son who is 24 was just recently diagnosed with schizophrenia(who would have thought we would have to learn how that was spelled)  anyway i spent 23 yrs with i believe a sick alchoholic verbally and sometimes physically abusive man.I was very young and didn't realize the serious effect it would have on my kids. I am happily divorced now .my son's dad has 0 contact with my son he's such a jerk better for him but it still hurts him i know ..all my childrens lives i ran around like a chicken with my head cut off making sure all was perfect and my kids did everything all other kids did (and with a smile on my face) that worked untill they were old enough where i couldn't hide or give thier dad excuses for his terrible behavor ... you love your son,and he knows it he will get through this. don't give up I won't either with love and medication we will beat this and come out stronger than we ever were your really not alone ,and your love is probably why things aren't worse

 stay strong   Chriss

Just Me

12/ 6/07 11:58am

Hello Chriss,

Thank you for your kind words. It's amazing the similarities in our lives.Change the 23 year marriage to a 24 year marriage add moving several times a year,blend in all you endured and you'd have the life I had! Thank goodness that part is over! 

You're right, love is the answer.

First of all, you say, "Just me," as if you are insignificant.  Just little ole me.  Or maybe as if you are lonely, as in, "It is only me all by myself."  You are not insignificant -- you are a caring, concerned and loving mother.  You may feel you are alone, but there is a whole community of us here ready to offer support.  It isn't like holding hands with someone or talking over a nice dinner, but it should open your horizons some.

I am not a mother, I am the 49 yr old daughter who has sz.  I tried to kill myself once before my diagnosis and twice afterwards.  I have been hospitalized for sz 18 times...BUT I have not been hospitalized since 2002 and am feeling quite well.  I still have my issues,  yes, but I hope I am functioning well enough cognitively to offer a little insight.

I think my mother has gone/is going through some of the same thought processes as you, e.g., what did I do wrong, why did I not know this was happening, how did I miss the signs, why did my child not come to me and tell me what was happening, etc.  She has asked me a few times what she did wrong and asked whether she contributed to my becoming ill with sz.  If you read about the history of sz, you will find that it was at one time attributed to care (or lack thereof) during early childhood.  This has been proven incorrect.  It is not all genetics, either.  It is neither totally biological nor environmental.  Personally I think you are somehow "wired" biologically to develop sz if you happen to be that 1% of the population whom it strikes, then a series of life stresses can push you to that point where you tip over.  Go over the edge.  And it becomes full blown psychosis and all the positive and negative symptoms that we know so well.  In other words, don't blame yourself.  No one's childhood is perfect, still only 1% of the population develops sz.  And even then, the severity varies quite a bit from person to person.

I think my mother is so afraid she is going to be "blamed" for causing my illness that she is afraid for anyone to know about it.  I am past that point.  I don't care who knows.  She didn't even want close relatives to know when I was hospitalized.  She didn't want my church friends to know.  She even hesitated to tell my brother and sisters.  At the time, this made me feel that perhaps I should be ashamed of my condition, that perhaps I could have avoided it and that is my fault that all this happened!

Look at the good side, you say he is doing well.  There are many medications to try.  If one doesn't work well, try the next.  There are all sorts of medical breakthroughs on the horizon that we all look forward to.

You do not have nor have ever had a crystal ball that allows you to predict the future so that you can avoid putting undue stress on others.  It is never going to happen.  Life is stressful from birth to death.  No one gets through life without it.  Instead of feeling guilt over the remote possibility that your son's upbringing contributed to his present condition and development of sz...instead of that, help your son face the present and future with love and support as you seem ready to do.  He needs you now more than he has ever needed you.  He may have to reinvent himself to find where he fits in and what his contribution(s) to society will be -- help him do that.  Best wishes to you.