Friday, October 09, 2009
Ok so here s the story: I was with my bf of 4 years (now my ex) when i met this guy, we started meeting up ect ect and he was amazing iv never felt like this about anyone i fell in love with him within the first week we were seeing eachother. I finished with my bf and we got together as a proper couple on the 1st of september. I had been renting a house with my bf and obviously had to move out so the new bloke said come move in with me which is what i did. On the 20th september he i dunno how to describe it or what its called so just gonna say he had a breakdown due to stress to do with access to his son (he had told me about his condition from the beginning but we had nt really talked about it as it had subsided (he has medication but it was only stuff he had to take as and when he thought he needed to)) anyway luckily his mum and her bf live next door because he locked me in and they heard him shouting so they called the police and ambulance he ended up going to police station to calm down and was then moved to hospital. We went to see him and to start with he would nt even talk to us. Then he started talking to us and was making a genral improvment then he was back to himself with in about 3 weeks and i was thinking yes he s gonna be home soon he was ringing all the time and having half hour conversations with me and everything was brilliant id get lots of hugs and kisses when going to see him. But then a couple of days later i got a phone call and he was finishing with me i know he does nt mean it but it does nt make it any easier. Anyway after that he got a bit better and we went to see him again he was very distant and when we left i gave him a big hug and told him i loved him and carried on hugging him he did nt say anything then just as i was about to let go he said i love you to. Since then iv heard nothing i try and ring he wont talk to me we ring the nurse to see if he wants us to visit and he says no. Why is he pushing me away? He s been in there a month this sunday and i miss him so much. Iv been writing him a letter everyday i used to take them in when we visit but i think im gonna have to start posting them now. Just some advice on how to deal with this and what to say to him ect would be great iv never dealt with anything like this before. One thing i do know is i love him and im gonna be here for him know matter what. Im also wondering how long he s going to be in hospital as well?
Hi,
I'm going to stick to the question at hand without any "editorial" comments.
If your new guy has schizophrenia it is going to take awhile for him to get up to par again. This could take a year and it really depends on whether he will commit to working on his recovery when he gets out of the hospital.
I wouldn't push things. I would write and post the letters to him because even though he is not in the best frame of mind, I'm sure he might welcome the support and encouragement you give him.
Another thing: if he is in the hospital and attending daily group therapy sessions with the other patients, he may have revealed things and he may be working those things out. He may have come to some conclusions about his relationship with you. Not that this necessarily has anything to do with you. You could be the right person who came into his life at the wrong time. Maybe he feels embarrassed to be in the hospital as well. There could be any number of reasons why he's refusing to see you or others.
I wouldn't push it right now. Repeatedly calling him and often calling him after he has expressed the desire to be left alone borders on obsessive or possessive. I understand you fell in love with the guy within a week [something that raises a red flag in me, by the way-there, an editorial comment] so you may not be able to let go right now. However, his number one priority is getting better and recovering from the schizophrenia. He may not want to be stressed out right now by the thought of having to be in a relationship when he has other pressing concerns.
I am even hesitant to tell you it's okay to call him once a week. If you post him letters he has the choice whether to read them or not. You have to give him the time and space to deal with what's going on. From what you've said you've only known him for a little under two months.
Recovery from schizophrenia isn't quick and it isn't easy. All too often people diagnosed with this medical condition have recurring episodes throughout their lives. He may be feeling raw and vulnerable now and retreating because he feels he wants to work on this on his own. Again, you don't know the whole story.
Respect his wishes. Should his needs or feelings change he will let you know.
Regards,
Christina