Sorry if this post is just a bit of ramblings.  I lost mt point somewhere.

I lost a friend last Fall.  I still don't know why.  It was a guy I had become comfortable with.  We would just hang out, share a bottle of wine maybe.  He was even more down on his luck than me and I tried to help (chauffering and stuff like that).  He looked after me when I was ill once.  We were friends.

I ended up moving to another town and shortly after lost touch though I tried to call.  I went back for a visit last Fall (to look him up and to see an elderly woman that I had connected with too).  When I pulled up to his place there was a big tent in the common area.  An event of some sort had taken place the night before.  He had gotten married!  and was pretty dumbstruck when he saw me walking up.  We spoke for a short while and I still don't understand why he didn't invite me though he made some sort of explanation.  Then he was off.  'Give me a call', he said.  I have not.

Was I unacceptable to his wife?  Did he think I wouldn't 'fit' in a forml affair?  I just don't know.

I feel like my world becomes smaller as time goes on.  People die (my grandmother passed away this summer), friends slip away.  I'm down to family (most of whom don't interact with me) and three long distance 'friends' from childhood.  I know that life is a series of losses.  I just don't seem to be able to add people to my life.  I don't know how, but I need to get more human interaction.

Course of action:

There is a NAMI sponsored group in my area.  I have intended to go for months.  I think that might be a good place to start.  I will go this week.  There: goal made.  I'll do it.

On the upside:

I can be pretty undependable, but  I watched a relatives pets for two weeks.  It was tough.  Sometimes I didn't want to go out, or just couldn''t motivate.   I did it though.  I made it over every day.  Got to push myself a little harder.  It made me feel good knowing that I didn't let them down.