Symptom control vs. Quality of Life with meds

Good morning to all.

I'm up and about at 4am due to a change in my medication.

Though this has been a personally difficult year for me we made some changes to my meds last Summer due to quality of life issues.  I cut my Geodon to 1 dose per day at night and we added another medication to help with agitation during the day.  It was great to be off the morning dose 0f Geodon and to be awake all day (the Geodon make me narcoleptic for about 2 hours after dosing).  I did not realize how much I was missing the extra Geodon however.

I kept telling myself (and my therapist agreed) that anybody would be having a hard time with the things that happened this last year.  It wasn't until I almost committed suicide two weeks ago that I started to think I might need the Geodon.  I wasn't depressed, it was part of an ongoing battle I have with my demon.   I could not remember how I was on the Geodon 2X/day, but I did have enough insight to call my Doc about it. 

So now I have been back on 2X  80mg of Geodon for a week.  After three days I noticed a huge difference.  My mind had calmed considerably.  And though some things don't go away the intensity is down.  I'm now sleeping on two shifts.  Usually I fall asleep about an hour or two after my dose and sleep around 5 hours at night and then 2-3 hours in the morning.

It makes normalcy difficult.  All activity has to be scheduled around my wacky sleep schedule.  It's an unfortunate thing that I think I've finally come to accept.  It has also made me accept that I do NEED this medication.  I cannot through willpower or valor make my illness go away. 

BTW: Don't forget to move up your clocks this Saturday night (Yeah!) and Spring is only 15 days away. :-)