One day at work I was talking about going to a Greek restaurant. My boss over heard and asked what I was going to order. Having never been to a Greek place I said "spaghetti." He said "If you want Italian food go to an Italian restaurant."

As I've written many times this past week I was a mess. So where did I go to get my dose of "Italian food?" First I went to Margaret. She was very concerned and asked if I needed to the the crisis unit. I wasn't that bad. Her love and concern helped me see through to what I must do. I went to my pdoc. He was helpful and I am grateful that he was. That was the first course..salad.

The next course..the soup. I sought help from you. Many have stood by me and cared enough to try and help guide me. I am grateful for you.

The bread... I then sought help from a church leader. In my fury I ran out when he tried to help. Even though I ran out he still was willing to help. Which in fact he did.

Now for dessert. I went to the Addiction Recovery Group last night. I was the only "addict" there. The two leaders present were most helpful. These leaders know me quite well. In fact they know me better than my pdoc. They brought out the truth of what I did and how I didn't handle the relapse. I came right out and told them that I relapsed. I told a tale of how it all started.

The main dish (I like having dessert before the entree). The change in season is the biggest culprit. September is a really bad month for me. I have been in a hospital many times in September. After much discussion, in the group, I began to see that I set myself up in the beginning of August to fall in September. So when the anxiety hit me last week, it was by my own preplanned design.

Dinner mints... So lastly I am taking "but" of out of my language (Margaret says I have no butt anyway..lol!). The usage of "but' is a rationalization for something that is good turning it into a bad thing.  I.E. "well I had a good day...but." 

So no more "buts" and I will go to an Italian restaurant when I want manicotti.

I also was advised to take the Ativan at least twice a day. I was supposed to take three times a day and only took two altogether since Friday.

So last night I received spiritual guidance, mental health help, addiction advice and a good place to eat.

"The dark may be dark, but there is a light switch somewhere."

David