Other than a sense of inadequacy, during the prodome phase, I have thought to be much enlightened by a broadening mind. My head was battling with philosophical conception and endless introspections, and it all thought to be so insightful to me at the time.

I remembered the time we watch “Batman- Dark Knight”, while everyone’s enjoying heath ledger’s acting skill, I was on the other hand way too preoccupied with cynicism like ” anything does not kill you make you stranger”. I started questioning why serial killer anticipates in vicious killing games and basically how a normal civilian turns into an evil psychopath? Having aware that I had became odd, I have and will never ever do harm to others but myself.

Getting back on the track, I questioned matter which a normal being could never bothered to think about. I became a spineless cynic who always whined about how an intellectual thinker and writer is much under-appreciated in the current society.

I scorned civilian who enjoys ordinary entertainment were unintelligent, simplistic “mono cell creatures”. Overall, I enjoy an ever heightened self-perceived sense of mental superiority. But as a matter of fact, I lost insight that is to realize that I was unwell. I insulted my psychiatrist when he told me I was suffering psychotic symptoms. It really did hit me in the head, “What do you mean my speech doesn’t make sense?”

My health conditions also started to worry me , sore muscles and blurred visions decaying each day. Although I never forgot to joke about my symptoms were very Alzheimer’s Disease alike. It felt like degenerative memory and frequent thought blocking, I had a thought, and be talking about it, and then suddenly stop and not remember what they were saying or thinking. Memories and thoughts are shuffled, bizarre dreams of people that I don’t even know of, and yet I found them rather intriguing.

I compelled to frequently write down my thoughts, as I may either forget it, or I may be transformed into any other mood that no longer feels the same. It’s depressing in the sense that it almost felt like a dying cancer patient who is counting days to go, occasionally got onto a flashback ride back to the past and woke up without knowing where I was. For some other times, I got back to the present tearfully. Guessing it was not a fun part of the past, but we forget some past with good reason, so I will let it stay at the past.

For the sake of adding extra seasoning to enhance my fascinating experience, I was endeavouring enough to repeatedly watch “The Butterfly Effect” when stoned. Even so, my hallucination had not gone that far and never had been as vivid.

My psychiatrist told me I felt out of touch with reality but I still don’t think I quite did. I realized that I had become quite odd in thinking, and yet one of the most precious bizarre trip to la la land. Nevertheless, it is an experience that still preferably to be stayed back in the past.