Life has turned in a complete chaos ever since prodrome stormed into my life. Profrome refers to a period of decreased functioning prior to the first psychosis or the onset of schizophrenia. I wish I only knew it before its rude awakening to my life of insanity.
About six months ago, I studied my final exam like a zombie with the assistance of prescription drug dexamphetamine( Psycho-stimulant for Attention Deficit Disorder). I became withdrawn from friends and family which I thought to be the outcome of stress and depression. Over many restless days and nights, I buried my head in the textbooks and thanks to my supercharged brain power. All of those hard work compensated for the fact that I did not attend most of the classes. But I have now realized, It was nothing but a dysfunction robot struggled to deliver ever decaying performance.
I shed 10kgs since that I was not able to eat but live on the nutrient of cups and cups of full cream coffee with one sugar. Prior to the start of the exam, I was vomiting bile outside of the building; during the exam, I was not only struggled with stomach ache( was in fact chest pain), I also started hearing mp3 music on my phone, I was thinking:
” I must have accidently left the music on. Should I bend down to switch it off? What if people caught me on cheating, as we are not supposed to have our phone switched on?”
The music only gets louder and so as people started making a lot of noises walking out of the exam hall. I was vaguely aware of the mere hallucination,
” STOP IT!!!!!!” I shook my head hard and I’m not sure if I had screamed out aloud.
Overall, I was convinced that “severe anxiety disorder” was the real offender of my mental disturbance and declining academic performance. Therefore, I decided to take the semester off to recover from distress, but I had only became less motivated and certainly did not feel easier with a new chapter of ambivalence. I had never thought that it was the “Prodrome Phase” which is the onset of a path of esoteric, a path towards insanity.
When I was in college, I also went through a prodromal phase. Mine developed over the first 3 years. There were hallucinations like voices and auras around people. I was manic, also, which is not always part of a sz prodrome. My perspective was off when I was outside. I couldn't tell near from far and it was scary, especially, to drive feeling like that. There were problems with insomnia and feeling driven toward activities, as though I must go at them 100mph. It all settled a bit when I got married after stopping out of school for a year. Then an abusive marriage revved it up again and a few years later the really bad stuff happened. Suicidal and homicidal urges. Being picked up by the police a couple of times when others complained of my activities. (Like buying guns and faxing messages to my doctors that they didn't like.) Finally, the prodrome ended up being out-and-out schizophrenia.
Have you been diagnosed with a specific mental illness? Schizophrenia? I was first diagnosed as bipolar, then major depression w/psychotic features, then schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder. Now the diagnosis is back to chronic schizophrenia.
Are you currently taking a medication to alleviate the symptoms? Are you seeing a psychiatrist? At least by coming here to this site you can see you are not alone. I look forward to seeing other posts by you.
Carolyn
I went through a prodome stage that lasted over a matter of months. I was vomiting bile before working and constantly. I felt major anxiety and the thoughts were running rampant. I could not stop focussing on a certain theme. When I was younger everyone told me I should be a fashion model constantly. It stuck in my head and people would stop me up the street. This played on my mind and the paranoia started. I have not told anyone till now as I was ashamed. It wasn't normal I know. I thought model scouts were out to get me, people were looking at me and thinking I was a model. I began to dress in old baggy clothes and neglect my appearance as I thought I dont want to make myself pretty. It was all I could think about and it hindered my studies and my family told me I needed to get out more and I was crazy. I got out more. Before I had my psychotic episode I somehow had a feeling it would happen so I quit work and quit my studies. I am not sure what I did, what I said or anything but know I was out of control.
Are you more "in control" now? If so, how did you achieve that control?