This is my very first post and I have so much to ask! I am in the early stages of a new relationship and desparately need advice. I have been friends with this gentleman for about 2 years and our friendship is progressing. I have known of his schizophrenia and have handled it well so far, however, we don't see each other alot right now, he lives in the U.S and I am in Canada.
I really need direction about all aspects of dating, living with and marrying someone with schizophrenia. I would appreciate any help and information.
Michele
Hi Winterborn,
Sounds to me like you are way past the point of an early relationship. Although I suspect you mean a more intimate relationship, your time as friends will of course count.
Can I ask, how old you both are and how long your friend has had schizophrenia for?
Many thanks for your reply!
To answer your questions, we are both 45, and to my knowledge he has had schizophrenia for aprox 15+ years. As for our relationship, I have just recently found out that he has been interested in me for some time now and wishes to take the relationship further. My best friend is actually engaged to his brother and they are very close, so he felt comfortable confiding his feelings to her. He is an extremely gentle, kind man, pretty quiet and loves to laugh. He always has a very non-confrontational nature, which is at home and in public. He has never had any violent outbursts. His meds are well maintained. Again, from what I know, his schizophrenia became apparent shortly after his mother died. His family was very close, and her death was very devastating for all the children. He carries two degrees, one in biochemistry and one in bioengineering and is quite a wonderful artist. Until her death, he worked as a professor. I guess he slowly started to withdraw from friends, focused on work, and then even pulled away from his career. Colleges became very concerned and contacted his brother to help. He would talk to himself and was obsessive (photo copy continuously pictures of his mother) however, all this has disipated over the past 2 years and he appears very content.
I have spoke with a friend of mine who is an art therapist. She was concerned just at my friendship level with this man, and suggested I make it very clear that he and I are just friends. That I keep this line drawn and never cross. I guess I didn't really feel any great concern at that point because the mental illness was never an issue.
I still don't, but I am the type of person who likes to be informed and make good choices for my family and his.
I have read some of the posts here at this site, and it is amazing listening to all the different situations, some angry, bitter people, but many happy, satisfied couples. Regardless of the schizophrenia, he is without a doubt the nicest, most chilvalrous man I have ever met. We have wonderful times together, great conversations and enjoy each others company. But what now? My best friend is thrilled! I am immensely flattered and very much surprised at his intentions. But again, what are the next steps?
There, I have really went on! I appreciate your time so much and any insight you can share.
Have a terrific weekend!
Michele