As you may know by now I have schizophrenia.I've gone through all the symptoms including complete social withdrawl and catatonia. I've slept practically half my life away because I couldn't bare to be awake.
My mother also suffers from schizophrenia but not so bad.
SShe was only hospitalized once but for about three months! She thought the soap opera characters were plotting against her and talking directly to her through the television. She tried to overdose on aspirin.
That was back in 1983. Along time ago, she was on Navane ever since and is now on risperdal. Growing up she was pretty abusive and neglectful.I hated her ever since I could remember. If I had abrain in my head I would have run away from home when I was twelve like my friends told me to. I wish I had. If I got a gift of money from my grandparents my mother would keep it for herself. No matter what I did she would put me down and verbally abuse me. Calling me a big zero nothing. I always prayed for the day I could get away from her.
But I'm a forgiving understanding guy, and for the past decade have visited her pretty reguarly till now. I've shared meditations and affirmations with her and she still puts me down. So I've decided to forget about her at this point in my history.
My father's family were all wiped out at Treblinka concentration camp during World War Two. He survived Aushwitz-Berkinau concentration camp.How he survived I do not know because he never spoke about it. I don't believe he survived by working the ovens either, it was just his dumb luck to survive by the skin of his teeth. Like I said he never really spoke about it and I only saw him shed one tear over the whole subject. And the only thing he taught me about it was that it was just about the money. He came from a fine big polish jewish family.
His friends would describe him as happy go lucky. He was pretty cheerful even with his miserable wife. He was very abusive to me as well, beatings over nothing, verbal put downs. I'm six foot one and he would always say I was five foot eight, etc. All he really cared about was playing poker. Which he did every day. I do have pity for him because of what he lived through during world war two, any way he died over twenty years ago. So hopefully his spirit rests in peace.
My sister is mentally ill aswell, she says she's bipolar but I think of her as a sociopath. Compared to me she's a spoiled brat. She functions in this world and has a good job and all, but it doesn't impress me. At this point I'm not on speaking terms with her either. I don't want to go into it now but I have many reasons.
I consider the whole world as one living family. And I try to connect with people by going to yoga classes and churches and by putting on public access shows and over the internet. I have only one close friend and many acquantances. I don't feel sorry for myself because I know that despite everything people have it worse in this world. I don't sleep that much anymore. I think it's a combination of factors that make up every bodies life. Individual karma, world karma, powers beyond everyones control,and how you create your own reality, we do have some free will.
