Fetter or for worse!!

Hello Carol,

Your commitment to standing by your husband is admirable.

I regret that if my life were in danger I would not stay.

You say he has violent episodes on a daily basis.

What indication has he given you that he is willing or able to change?  You know yourself exactly how long this has been going on and if he is working on his recovery to the best of his ability.  You say "recently" so I take it that it's been only about six months or so since he was diagnosed.

It is my belief that if your husband is in therapy, his therapist should be addressing the violence with some kind of anger management or behavior modifcation approaches.

I feel that if this is not being addressed right now that is a problem.  You have to be honest about how long the violence has been going on.  Has his therapist indicated that he is making progress or that you can expect to see progress reasonably soon?

I am just not sure that you are going to be in a safe place any sooner if he is not in some kind of anger management therapy.

How do I think you could handle it so that you're safe?  I wonder if your husband is capable of understanding that his actions (violent behaviors) have consequences (you would leave him if he isn't working on this).

I am not sure your staying in the situation right now is going to change things.  Getting out of the situation could be a temporary protective strategy.  I'm not saying you have to leave him permanently.  I am just concerned for your safety right now.

(He needs to show you by his actions that he's committed to changing.)

That is why I hesitated to respond right away:  I tried to come up with a solution and when violence is involved I'm not sure there is an alternative.

Regards,

Christina