I am a wife/caregiver of a wonderful man who was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia. I used to feel like I was alone in what I deal with on a daily basis. My husband has very violent episodes, still on a daily basis. They have switched his medication several times, and are still trying to get it right. He believes that I am out to get him, that I am trying to poisen him, he hits himself in the head, fights with neighbors, is violent with me, thinks that when I am on my period, that I put it in his food. I recently had him Baker Acted because of his violence towards me. I have had several bones broken during his episodes. I love this man with all my heart, and understand that he has an illness, so I hang in there. I have seen this man change from a loving man and into a distant man. I want my love back, my best friend, the man I fell in love with. He is seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist on a weekly basis. I am in close and constant contact with all his healthcare professionals, so that they get accurate accounts of all his episodes. The just switched one of his many meds to ziprasidone. Please tell me that it will get better. I want my husband back, without all this crap. It's been hell for me. I hide and give him all his meds due to his suicidle thoughts. What else can I do to get him through this and to calm an episode before it escalates to violence. Any and all information would be helpful and appreciated.
Thanks
Carol Ann
Hello Carol,
Your commitment to standing by your husband is admirable.
I regret that if my life were in danger I would not stay.
You say he has violent episodes on a daily basis.
What indication has he given you that he is willing or able to change? You know yourself exactly how long this has been going on and if he is working on his recovery to the best of his ability. You say "recently" so I take it that it's been only about six months or so since he was diagnosed.
It is my belief that if your husband is in therapy, his therapist should be addressing the violence with some kind of anger management or behavior modifcation approaches.
I feel that if this is not being addressed right now that is a problem. You have to be honest about how long the violence has been going on. Has his therapist indicated that he is making progress or that you can expect to see progress reasonably soon?
I am just not sure that you are going to be in a safe place any sooner if he is not in some kind of anger management therapy.
How do I think you could handle it so that you're safe? I wonder if your husband is capable of understanding that his actions (violent behaviors) have consequences (you would leave him if he isn't working on this).
I am not sure your staying in the situation right now is going to change things. Getting out of the situation could be a temporary protective strategy. I'm not saying you have to leave him permanently. I am just concerned for your safety right now.
(He needs to show you by his actions that he's committed to changing.)
That is why I hesitated to respond right away: I tried to come up with a solution and when violence is involved I'm not sure there is an alternative.
Regards,
Christina
Thank you so much Christina. I am trying my best to figure this all out without having to leave him. He is my husband, and I am trying my hardest to stand by him. Hopefully, and I pray, things will get better. I feel like I am losing my mind over his illness. Everyday, I wonder, is there any hope, in finding the right treatment. I will keep you posted on the outcome, so far, nothing has changed. As his wife, I am trying not to give up on him. I just dont know. Once again, thanks so much
Carol Ann
Run.....Far away.....He needs to be hospitalized, only then can he get treated or at least kept away from hurting himself, you or others. Living like that is stupid. You have one life to live. It is sad that he is in his own hell, but if the meds don't work, you need to cut your losses and run. He is going to hurt you. You deserve a life too.
Run.....Far away.....He needs to be hospitalized, only then can he get treated or at least kept away from hurting himself, you or others. Living like that is stupid. You have one life to live. It is sad that he is in his own hell, but if the meds don't work, you need to cut your losses and run. He is going to hurt you. You deserve a life too.