Margaret and I spent the better part of the morning at the crisis unit. I was feeling that same feeling when I got admitted in Feb. I was willing to go in but during the interview with Margaret it was discovered that I am still grieving Mike's death. The counselor was matter of fact and his candor was firm yet reassuring.
I am an overachiever. Margaret and the guy called it "Dave's plan to save the world". They were right. I have been stuffing my emotions by helping anyone at anytime and forgetting to help me. I did that because I was powerless to save my brother. At the ER I cried and they gave me the truth... I am taking on too much and I haven't fully dealt with Mike. After their words that feeling went away. Its gone for now. I have a call into a therapist who deals with grief issues. I never thought that grief had soo much power on the physical body. My shakes are grief!!
I wasn't admitted. That makes my record..8 discharges in 18 visits to the crisis unit.
I am grateful that I am able to receive such great support from my wife and the ER. It is a tool that should be used when needed. I needed it but not inpatient.
Ralph Waldo Emerson-"It was high counsel that I once heard given to a
young person: Always do what you are afraid to do."
David
Hi David,
Your grief over the loss of your beautiful brother Mike who neither wanted nor deserved the hard luck he got in life is understandable and natural.
I urge you to follow-through with seeing the grief therapist for as long as you need to. Mike's death has undoubtedly brought or will bring to the forefront issues that were long buried.
I feel you need to talk to a therapist right now and be honest with him or her about what's going on. You shouldn't have to go it alone when you feel so overwhelmed you need a trip to the ER.
Talking with a therapist might just keep you out of the hospital long-term.
Be good to yourself. Be kind to your mind. Be compassionate to yourself first.
It's not a sin and it's not wrong to meet your needs first of all and sometimes in place of meeting other people's needs.
Ask yourself who in your life has given you exactly what you need right now in return for your good deeds to them? Margaret might be the only one on the list.
Do what you have to do to keep healthy. There's no shame in being selfish right now. You don't have to use the word selfish if you don't want to. Call it self-interest if you will.
Have a good morning.
Regards,
Christina