For about 4 years I have blogging. Let me tell you a bit of what it was like before I began to blog.

For many years I heard voices. My addiction raged. I had no self-esteem. I felt lost and had no direction. I was hoplessly convinced that all I tried wouldn't work.

My SZA was out of control..especially the voices. I was unable to talk about the "true" issues I had. I didn't talk about my illness to anyone. I was angry at my past.

I ashamed of who I was. I didn't have any friends. I felt lost and alone.

I couldn't talk about my feelings (yes men do have feelings). The "hauntings" of my past were in a word...haunting!

I had no where to turn to for support. It seemed that all around me didn't know how I felt and I was afraid to tell them.

I desparetely wanted to find the solution to my ever growing isolation.

I began to write. I wrote a few times a week....now I rarely ever miss a day.

After a few blogs my confidence grew. My self-worth began to be more positive. I wasn't alone anymore. I had friends that supported me, cared for me and encourged me to try one more time. I wrote about my life. I "ratted" out the voices. I was brought out of a self-imposed prison. I took great risks by exposing the "hauntings." I got my life back. I began to feel so many different things. I began to care for YOU. I belonged in a place where I was an equal.

My "other life" outside the cyberworld was affected in a better way by my blogging. I was able to talk to my wife, my pdoc (at that time it wasn't an express lane). I began to deal with my haunting past and look back with different eyes. I discovered that there is a good life.

Writing is a release for me. It helps gets out the "brain poop." I am not the same man I was three years ago. My life has taken on a whole new meaning. I have a calling in life to write about my life in hopes that it will help others. Isn't helping others the highest blessing a man can give? That is why I write. I do it to help you and it also helps me. I call that "paying it forward."

I have bad days. But looking back these few years I have had more good days than bad. One time a member here asked if I was always in a good way. No, not always, but a good number of times.

I tried to walk away from here a few times. I always came back. I am so glad to be part of this site. I feel good here. I am at peace. My life got better here.

Thank you to all who have cared enough about me and gave me the inspiration to "keep on keeping on."

David

John Wanamaker-"One may walk over the highest mountain one step at a time."