I will do what I can but I can't do it for you!

Speaking for myself and what I know of alcoholism and addictions, I didn't get any help until I truly wanted it. I've been in recovery from alcohol and drugs for many years. Here's something that I found helpful..how many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? First the light bulb has to want to be changed. Change is difficult for people. Even harder for mentally ill. The good news is that change is possible. For me it meant listening. Listening to my pdoc. Taking my meds. Welcoming change. Having a desire for change. Never giving up hope. Stop playing games. Facing reality.

  It's wonderful that you support your friend. Support is a huge part of my recovery. It comes in many forms. My wife, my pdoc. You may want to try www.nami.org. They have groups and programs for families ans friends.

   I wish the very best for you and your friend.

May you have peace and comfort,

David

It's apparent that your friend is going through a very difficult emotional time as well as a very lonely one.  His constant acting out with you demonstrates that not only how much he needs your support but also how very manipulative he tends to be when he starts to experience what he perceives as being abandoned.  With all due respect I feel that in all likelihood you're the right friend for the 'job', so to speak; however, your timing in his life may be somewhat off.  By that I mean, you sound heavily conflicted about your place in this relationship and even a little angry both at your friend and at yourself for what you allow him to do to you.  Sometimes, (this may or may not be the case in this instance) we have issues in our own lives that leave us in a position of being less than helpful and less than supportive to the individual we're attempting to assist.  Might I suggest that prior to proceeding into what might well become a symbiotic-passive/aggressive relationship that you spend some time asking yourself some very important questions.  For example, how much do you really want to be 'there' for your friend and how much are you being motivated by guilt?  How much do you really like this person as a person and how much of your feeling is based on feeling sorry for the individual?  How much of yourself can you realistically give of yourself without becoming hostile and negative?  As you know full well, it's terribly important to have support when one is in crises, particularly a crises that's the manifestation of a mental illness with an addiction adjunct.  However, as important as that support may be it can also be a highly negative influence if the one supposedly caring is feeling conflicted and resentful.  I hope you don't mind my suggesting that you take a full step back, as I said, and assess your own situation and your true inner feelings for this person prior to proceeding onward and forward.  Best wishes.

Hello AFriendWhoCares,

With all due respect, I feel you need to step back from the relationship, for your health and your son's health.

You want to help out this guy; however, he has to want the help.

It is long road ahead and that shouldn't deter you from being there for him if you decide to stay involved.

However, you need to keep your wits about you and make sure you don't get into a co-dependent relationship, as often happens when one person with a mental illness, who also has a chemical dependency, and another person, are involved in a relationship, whether romantic or platonic.

Proceed carefully.

Regards,

Chris