Mom with lost words and thoughts

ello Betty,

Sorry I didn't respond as quick as I usually do, as I was attending the NAMI convention in Orlando, Florida.

One thing is, if you have some means, you can set up a special needs trust for your son to take care of him financially when you're gone.

While you are alive, as I've written about in other blog entries, your son needs to live independently, either in a supported residence or his own place.  That is what the NAMI family support group members told my mother when I was first diagnosed, and so I lived in a halfway house, then a housing project, and lastly independently.

If your son is not taking his meds, I recommend you read the Xavier Amador book, I Am Not Sick, I Don't Need Help.  It will guide you in how to couch what you say to him, to influence him to take the meds.

I feel strongly that your son needs to live on his own.

From my experiences blogging and listening to family members, I find that in most cases it is not beneficial for the adult child with schizophrenia to live at home.

Also, you are not a professional and there is a limit to what you can do on your own to provide for him what he needs.

He might also benefit from meeting with other people at a clubhouse or drop-in center.

Respectfully,

Chri

I am 50 and I live with my mother who turns 81 this month.  I would love to have an apartment of my own, but there are two reasons I cannot do so, at least at this time.  First of all, my mother needs someone there with her every day because she is very frail and has physical problems that come into play.  The other reason why I cannot is because every time I try it, I get substantially worse as far as schizophrenia goes.  All of a sudden I will start having a multitude of problems.  So Mother needs me, and I need her.  When she is gone some day, though, I plan to try to find some sort of group home, or I know of some apartments where a healthcare professional keeps an eye on everyone, mainly those who are mentally ill.

It is hard to find any ideal situation.  But I agree with Chris that you should try finding suitable housing for your son and let him be on his own.  At least see how it works out.  Please write again and let us know how things work out.

Carolyn

Hello Betty,

I am a mother of 3 beautiful boys and I feel your pain and feel your fear.I'm living with the illness(schizophrenia)I had my children before I was diagnosed. I have been threw hell and back with this illness until we found the right medications .I am functioning normaly and I can honestly say I am back the way I use to be before schizophrenia.It is very posible to lead a normal life with the right medications and dosages ,maybe your son schould get a 2nd opinion concerning his treatment plan.

I know there is not much a parent can do when dealing with an adult child but we can certainly try whatever it takes while we still walk this earth .

I have 2 boys who have been diagnosed with ADHD and they have been to every program I can find and I can say they are doing exceptionally well .

I also know that they could one day fall ill with schizophrenia since there is a genetic factor involved .

If that day ever comes I will find them the best Dr.s I can and will exhaust all avenues to get them the right treatment .

I am living proof that you can once again function normally !

I wish you all the best Betty us Moms never give up so never give up hope! The right help is out there.

Mimi

Dear Betty,

I can't seem to find how to e-mail, or I woulde-mail this to you.

Wow, I wish that I had had a Mom like you.  Bravo.  You love your son very much.  He needs your love and support.  I wonder if he tests you sometimes, just to see if you still care.'

I was a very lonely child, my mom and Dad ignored my problems.  They taught me nothing because they were too busy working to make money.  They didn't help me at all. I don't resent this because I know what they came from, and their child lives were a lot harder and more ignored than I was!  I admire them a great deal, but facts are facts.

You seem to be the kind of woman I would have loved to have as a Mom, and I would have come a lot farther with your caring and love.                                    

Please, don't be hard on yourself.  All we can do in one lifetime is what we can do.  I admire you, and hope that you just stay calm and love your son just as you seem to do now.

The people on this site are wonderful and caring. You are in the right place.  Keep communicating, ok?

Sincerely, Tinkerdel

i know what you are going through i have been dealing with my son with this same illness since he was 18 he just made 30 Tuesday, it's a horrible illness, that does not seem to get any better, he spent his birthday in the hospital, it's so hard to get extra help for them, it's really hard