Happy New Year!
This past NAMI meeting was very interesting. A young lady named Jovi shared for most of the time. She has a diagnosis of Bipolar II and was extremely talkative. I think she may have been in a hypomanic state but it's hard to say since it was the first time I met her.
What's weird is, she discontinued taking her meds because she believed that they were causing her to fall into deep depression. She now relies on support groups such as NAMI and also attends clubhouse meetings around San Diego County for additional support. A very interesting story.
I shared about my depression and how I have been feeling suicidal lately. The group was very empathetic towards me because they are aware of the passings of my youngest brother last year and my mother last month. I realized that I need to be around these type of people. Especially the ones that can relate to what I am going through right now.
My anxiety has been constant but I still continue with my routine of work, working out, therapy, NAMI and school. My pdoc switched me from Vistaril to Librium upon my suggestion. The librium worked fairly well at first but I think I need something a little more powerful now. I experiencied "brain zaps" after discontinuing my Vistaril, which I've read is common. Mostly at night but they rarely happen now.
The good news is, my daughter will be spending time with me next week. She is still on probabation but I think her PO gave her permission to come down. She will be off of probation on Jan 25th when she turns 18. She has mentioned to her grandpa and uncle that she would like to move in with us. What's odd is, she has never mentioned it to me.
I really want her to move down because Yuma is nothing but trouble for her and her mom agrees and supports the idea. But because of my mental condition, I'm afraid that I won't be able to handle the responsibilites of being a father to her. After all, I kicked her to the curb when she was 9 months old and we didn't reunite until she was 15. In fact, I have no clue on how to be a father. My therapist told me that he would do whatever he could to help me transition into my new role if my daugther moves down. That was good to hear.
That's all I have for now!
Enjoy tonight and be safe!