Lost in my own mind

Hi. I'm tired of this. Everything that is running through my head. I am 38 years old and every day of my life has been hell. I've been stabbed, raped, molested, sold on the black market, beat every day of my childhood. Raped by someone in my church. I found my family after 29 years 9 years ago.  .I am having a very hard time with my life. (Every part of it) I do not have many friends because of my trust issue. I am in constant torment with my life. I lived in a group home for 10 years. My adoptive mother locked me in my room for three years. Igot my food under the door, I urinated out the window, deficated in the closet. I was told every day that my adoptive parents paid good money for us. I have not been diagnosed with anything in particular. I know I have deppression, panic, anxiety, and P.T.S.D.. I feel like the world is as after me and people are laughing at me. I  feel like I am a burden in everyones life, because I can't figure out my own. My E-mail is kencollins69@excite.com. I want my username iceman69, and my password to be preslar. I really don't care who knows my personal information. If they want my life, they can have it.