My life living with schizophrenia has not been easy. I will give you a run down on what it is like. In 1995 I had graduated from high school and was at college, living away from home. I had these unusual thoughts about things I had seen on tv. They started off normal and went to bizarre. I thought famous people were after me to be one of them. I locked myself away, everyone I saw looked like a famous person. I knew this was strange. I thought it was because I had nothing to do, so I tried to do more. The more I did, the worse it got. In the end, I could not cope with college anymore and went home. I started a job, after my mother insisted I do, not thinking there was anything wriong with me. 3 weeks into the job I began to think my boss was plotting against me. That this strange person had access to my keys, my house and that my boss thought I was on drugs. I began to come up with plots against me. My parents believed me at first, making phonecalls to my ex boss, my old teachers and causing me much later embarrassment.
I went to the doctor and he thought I was on drugs, or high. I began rocking back and forth and thought this man had killed my mother and put her face on. I was scared when she came near me. I was hysterical. I became very quiet and reclusive. That christmas and year I did not eat much, food tasted bad and I thought it was poisoned. I kept having bizarre thoughts but kept them to myself. My parents thought I was better and wanted me to go back to college. I arranged it ok and kept fighting it, all the way. When it was time to go I kicked and screamed and refused. I knew I wasn't well. I thought my mother was out to kill me and hated my family. They arranged doctor visits and it took a lot to get me to go. They kept saying there was nothing wrong with me. I just needed a break. I can't remember my 19th birthday that year, but my mother said I spent it in bed reading. Finally, the nurse I saw said I needed to see a psychiatrist and she diagnosed it straight away. I refused to be put into hospital and fought and fought to get better. I thought happy thoughts, telling myself I was beautiful and healthy. The medication made me feel so good I knew it was working and wanted to keep taking it. I fought hard all the way to get better. I began to socialise and work and go back to college. I have now graduated and am well and healthy. If I can do it, anyone can.
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