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Is it normal to be well and still feel anxious and unsure and angry

I am well and living a normal life, except I feel greatly anxious around people and remember when I was sick and have flashbacks on my illness. It is hard to move on in my life, despite having two college degrees since I finished and to have moved on physically. I feel angry and hurt when people criticise me and still feel worried and angry by all the things people say to me. I am living in the past and find it hard to move on and forget what happened. Does anyone else feel like this?

3/24/09 7:02am

I don't feel like that anymore. I "took the bull by the horns" and moved on. I took a long look in the mirror and told myself that things have to change. It takes determination, hard work and a willingness to make change. I could've sat around and did nothing, which I did for a few years, or I could move on. Someone once told me "the hardest part of doing nothing, is knowing when to stop." It matters to me how I govern my life. There are days were I force myself to do things. Having this illness doesn't mean I can't live a good life. I have a good life because I stopped doing nothing. Cesar Milan, The dog whisperer, teaches people to keep their dog moving forward. That lesson applies to humans as well. When my mind is "moving foward" I can "drive the bus" in the direction I want to go.

 

Keep moving forward,

 

Dave

3/24/09 10:55am

Hi womanc,

 

It is understandable that you feel the way you do and have some residual anxieties or anger.  People don't "snap out" of their feelings on a deadline or timetable for getting rid of the feelings.  As my therapist, T., said in our session last night, "Everyone has symptoms, regardless of whether or nnot they have schizophrenia." 

 

In our case, we come at our own definition of recovery in our own time.  You felt the need to write in because I take it you're worried about still having these feelings.  Living with SZ isn't a walk in the part.  I've had something going on now for quite some time, related to the SZ.  So please understand that what you feel is OK.

 

The second part of your SharePost seems to indicate you want to change things, and you definitely CAN work to improve how you feel.  I suggest weekly therapy sessions if you're not already in therapy.  Pick two or three therapists, have one session with each of them, and choose the one you relate to youa nd who you feel has empathy and will understand you and be a good match.

 

Mostly, I can tell you I try not to be angry: at other people, at myself, at the illness.  It would be nice if people understood what it's like to have SZ, even if they are "the chronically normal," yet I urge you to give yourself approval to have SZ and not focus so much on the stigma in society.

 

You are doing well, and that's what matters.  I urge you to keep writing SharePosts here, as everyone at the Connection knows what it's like to have had a breakdown or numerous episodes or relapses or other manifestations of the SZ.  A schizophrenic break is a trauma that you are recovering from and so I urge you to Google post-traumatic stress disorder as some of the coping techniques may help you.  I believe the National Center for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder has a web site, originally geared to military folk however I believe it could be useful to everyone.

 

You will move on with hope and support and encouragement, and you will find all this at the Connection, where everyone has been in your shoes.

 

Again, I suggest you consider finding a therapist. 

 

Things CAN change, you CAN move on.  First you have to acknowledge that what you feel is a natural response to what happened, and accept that how you responded to what happened served you well, and now it no longer serves you the way it used to.

 

Lastly, I have a friend, Robin, who used to write SharePosts here, and he often talks about anxiety as being the worst symptom of the SZ.  So be kind and gentle to yourself, and cut yourself some slack.  It isn't easy living with the SZ.

 

I also urge you to bring all of this up with your psychiatrist about the anxiety and flashbacks, if you have not.  I understand it could be embarrassing to talk about, especially if you feel you "should" have gotten past it by now.

 

So be kind to yourself, be gentle.

 

Peace,

Christina

3/24/09 6:13pm

I also think that therapy may help you, even if you have tried it in the past.  I had one therapist years ago who used cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and I got nothing at all from it except a feeling I was doing everything wrong.  But recently I started seeing a new CBT therapist and it is wonderful!  I had a couple of goals, and within 2 months she has me moving forward and achieving what I thought might be impossible.  As Christina said, it might take more than one therapist visit to find the right one for you.  You will know when you "click."

 

And as far as flashbacks and anxiety go, I think it is normal for anyone with such a traumatic disease to have "body memories" as well as "brain memories" of what you went through.  You remember how you felt, what you went through, the pain, the disrupted life.  I went through this for years but recently emerged on the other side.  I have triumphed over the paranoia, the flashbacks, and am working on the anxiety.

 

Are you still taking any medications?  If not, you might do well to be aware that anything that feels like a symptom might indeed BE a symptom and require a medication adjustment.  Just a thought.

 

Best wishes,

Carolyn

3/25/09 2:55pm

Hello,
Just wanted to add another comment following on all the others. Hope you have been encouraged.

 I too believe ongoing regular therapy sessions often help greatly with the feeling of movement and change, and help with self empowerment and confidence, both naturally at low ebb in the aftermath of the worst times of the illness and its traumas. 

 

Such a therapist might help you  endorse the strides you have made, and interpret your struggles positively. (Outsiders  just don't know and can easily and hurtfully misinterpret your 'inactivity', as you have said happens)....'treading water' to keep afloat can take huge effort, you sound as though you are bravely 'reviewing your losses... previous expectations' :hard and painful work... 

 

Obviously you are only too aware of the changes  that arrived in your life, unbidden and your pathway altered with the sz.

 

I read that it is very common and natural in recovery to feel stuck in the past 'as the person and where the person was socially and career wise just before the break took place' ,whereas after the break it can seem almost like being in another country. No wonder professional help is often useful to enable the adaptations to make the transition to the present and update / rethink personal goals. Often this could include vocational assessment. Just like after other life traumas.

 

 Best wishes
Chris

Write as a concerned family member , retired doc (non psych), UK

 

4/14/09 12:59am

I feel like this as well. Sometimes it feels as though no one else can let it go, even though you have. They just have to make your life miserable. Sometimes I feel as though it will never go away, and the only way to deal is to pack my things and start over again somewhere else, but so far I haven't. I believe that it will just take time to blow over, at least I am hoping so.

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