Hi womanc,

It is understandable that you feel the way you do and have some residual anxieties or anger.  People don't "snap out" of their feelings on a deadline or timetable for getting rid of the feelings.  As my therapist, T., said in our session last night, "Everyone has symptoms, regardless of whether or nnot they have schizophrenia." 

In our case, we come at our own definition of recovery in our own time.  You felt the need to write in because I take it you're worried about still having these feelings.  Living with SZ isn't a walk in the part.  I've had something going on now for quite some time, related to the SZ.  So please understand that what you feel is OK.

The second part of your SharePost seems to indicate you want to change things, and you definitely CAN work to improve how you feel.  I suggest weekly therapy sessions if you're not already in therapy.  Pick two or three therapists, have one session with each of them, and choose the one you relate to youa nd who you feel has empathy and will understand you and be a good match.

Mostly, I can tell you I try not to be angry: at other people, at myself, at the illness.  It would be nice if people understood what it's like to have SZ, even if they are "the chronically normal," yet I urge you to give yourself approval to have SZ and not focus so much on the stigma in society.

You are doing well, and that's what matters.  I urge you to keep writing SharePosts here, as everyone at the Connection knows what it's like to have had a breakdown or numerous episodes or relapses or other manifestations of the SZ.  A schizophrenic break is a trauma that you are recovering from and so I urge you to Google post-traumatic stress disorder as some of the coping techniques may help you.  I believe the National Center for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder has a web site, originally geared to military folk however I believe it could be useful to everyone.

You will move on with hope and support and encouragement, and you will find all this at the Connection, where everyone has been in your shoes.

Again, I suggest you consider finding a therapist. 

Things CAN change, you CAN move on.  First you have to acknowledge that what you feel is a natural response to what happened, and accept that how you responded to what happened served you well, and now it no longer serves you the way it used to.

Lastly, I have a friend, Robin, who used to write SharePosts here, and he often talks about anxiety as being the worst symptom of the SZ.  So be kind and gentle to yourself, and cut yourself some slack.  It isn't easy living with the SZ.

I also urge you to bring all of this up with your psychiatrist about the anxiety and flashbacks, if you have not.  I understand it could be embarrassing to talk about, especially if you feel you "should" have gotten past it by now.

So be kind to yourself, be gentle.

Peace,

Christina