Susan Boyle is singing "I Dreamed a Dream" in my mind. I woke with Il Divo singing "Hallieugh" (SP?).

At church yesterday I was asked to give the opening prayer. Talk about facing fears! I accepted the invite. I cannot "break out" of my shell if I say no to the things that will help me. I also bore my testimony and said another prayer in Sunday school. 

Saturday my brother Michael called and sounded so different. He was upbeat and happy. He said he looked forward to seeing me on Sunday. When I got to his residence he was waiting for me in the lobby. He wanted to talk to our parents. I let him use my cell phone. Afterwards I asked if he wanted to go for a drive. He said no at first but then agreed. We took a slow drive through a park and through some backroads. He chattered along. It was a good day!

I have a fear. I fear success. I brush it off. It isn't so much the success part as it is the pride that follows. I know that some pride is good. I am so afraid that my ego will get so big that I will forget the simple things of life. I imagine success is like wearing a badge for all to see.

I had a nice chat with Margaret last night. I told her of the things that my mind makes up. The confusion I have. My life has been hard. I am the one who made it that way. I push myself because of the people who pushed me to become better. At jobs I rarely took breaks or lunch.  I had to stay busy for fear of collapsing into my mind.

At the Addiction Recovery group I stated that I HAD to stay busy for fear of relapsing. I also said that sometimes I couldn't hear God's answers to my prayers. I was given the answer that I am TOO busy to listen for God's answer.

I always thought multi-tasking was cool. It isn't. I am addicted to doing three or four things at once. No wonder I can't hear.

My life is good. I am doing major changes. I am doing the best I can. All that is left is to stop and take a break. There's no need to push until the stress becomes too great. That's when my addiction comes in.

"If we are doing the best we can, we should not become discouraged. When we fall short, as we do, or stumble, which we might, there is always the remedy of repentance and forgiveness."- Boyd K. Packer

David