I have decided to stay here and write. Why would I stop something I truly enjoy. I can't deprive myself of my passion.

I woke three hours ago to my wake up music. I had an overwhelming urge to write. I am struggling to find out what was so important to say. I have several thoughts circling, but not to the point where its bothersome. So why can't I sleep? Dumb question David, You have too much going on and need to evicit it. What else is new?

Yesterday I was upset with my daughter for her lack of concern for her son. I was so irritated that I went and took out all of her money and gave it to her and told her I can't be her rep payee. It saddens me a great deal, but I know its for the best...for me. Is that selfish? I so am torn that it hurts to read this. I want to help her but she won't help herself. What can I do? I guess I gave up. Threw up my hands and just said "to heck with it." Bad attitude... I know.

Frappe is laying on the floor next to me and passing gas. What a stinky dog! My Lord its bad!! Its like mustard gas.

Saturday we're gonna go shopping. I want an iron skillet so I can use it the oven. I've watched several cooks on the Food Network use them. I don't need it but want it.

Margaret has had a cold for a couple of weeks and is feeling better. Thus the shopping trip!

To end this on a good note.. At the outpatient clinic where I volunteer, I am making some good breakthroughs. There are three men that are I call the "cool gang." Yesterday the "ringmaster" actually talked to me and made a joke. What a great day that was. I always said hello and that's about all the conversations I had with him. Progress is motion. ( I wrote "is" instead of "in", but thought "is' is the right word)  

I talked with Margaret about me adding another hour on a different day so I can open up the library. Friday I opened it up for an hour, but it was close to lunch time, so the food won out over the word. Napoleon said "an army marches on its stomach."

I am making good strides the clinic. I am learning new things. One of the things I learned is that by asking people how they are doing makes them feel less alone. I target those who sit by themselves. I say hello and tell them its nice to see them. If only that is said it will brighten dark days. I remember being alone and wishing someone would come up to me and say "hello." Having that memory I try to approach people with a handshake and smile. Those two things speak for themselves. 

A lot of the people at the clinic were locked up in the state hospital and forgotten for many years.Therefore its hard for them to "socialize." When I was a patient there cigarettes and coffee were the only thing I had to look forward to.

I have been on both sides of the locked door. I am very sympathetic to those who are out of the locked doors, yet still locked within themselves. I also have a strong bond with those who still locked up. I have given talks for the inpatients.