This blog will be about my "voices". Voices I've heard (and hear) for the last 28 years.
On April 4th 1980 a friend and I decided to party one night. Partying wan't new to me, but what happened that night was. We came up with a plan where we'd spend the night in a church. I was hopped up on marijuana, meth and beer. We were out cruising and picked up this girl. I was 17 at the time and had never been with a girl. We were kissing and making out in the car when all of a sudden I heard strange voices in my head. I don't recall if they were male or female voices but it was weird and scary.
It was all I could do to concentrate on anything else. It was like I was reading people's minds. The voices told me wonderful and strange new things. They said I could move objects with my mind. Predict the future. Start fires. All with my mind! I thought how cool is that. They also said I was Edgar Cayce reincarnated.
My life really sucked so I thought this was a way to make me more popular. They also told me not to tell anyone what I heard. I complied. These voices were my new found friends.
After awhile they started telling me to do things. One day while showering to get ready for a school dance, the voice of a female teacher told me she loves clean forearms. I washed my forearms lovingly for her for an hour. Her voice was sensual. She told me how much she loved it and that I shouldn't stop. The only reason I did stop was that I ran out of hot water.
Around June the voices turned dark. Their commands were taking a toll on me. I felt guilty about the things they wanted me to do. Guilty that I couldn't fufill their wishes. They consumed my thoughts. I lost myself. I heard them as soon as I awoke until I feel asleep. I couldn't think what to do unless they told me what to do. I was a total slave to them. They were my master and if I didn't obey I would be severely punished.
My reality became a freak show and I was the star. I withdrew from everything, my family, my friends, school. I had no clue what was real and what the voices were telling me. It got so bad that I was hearing three or four voices at the same time. My head would spin. I became disorientated to an extreme. It wasn't fun anymore. I was really scared. How could I tell what was happening?
In the middle of June the voices got so bad that I became physically ill. My parents finally took me to a hospital. I couldn't talk. I managed to tell the nurses that I needed a pencil and paper. I wrote a story about how I was transformed from into a retarded boy. I was now this boy and he was me and that he wouldn't have to suffer anymore. I was to take on his afflictions and I would save him. That is what the voices told me. How could I go against them?
Needless to say I was committed. I spent 28 days in the hospital on a psychiatric unit. The voices stayed with me. There was a doctor there who did hypnosis. One day the voices told me I could hypnotise him. When I saw him that day I decided to try. In my mind I was telling the doctor to smile. I concentrated real hard, but the only one who smiled was me. The voices lied. I couldn't believe they let me down so badly. After all I had all these powers.
