For many years I never knew what love felt like. I thought I had. I had several women friends and was married for a time. I thought that was love. The women and wife were objects. I used them sex, security, and to stop the loneliness. I never felt liked they loved me. I know I didn't love them. I ...
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Love...
Pamela Wagner
Saturday, May 24, 2008 at 04:41 PM
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Is the holidays or winter blues?
Posted 12/02 Comments (2)
Here I am at my usual spot, at the usual time...
David, I am so happy for you. I too feel like I cannot love and will never be able to. I never have known love, not how it really feels, only what it looks like from seeing others in love. I just know that there is something missing, something others have felt that I have missed out on. At 55 I fear I may never have a chance. I wish it were not so, but I don't know what else to do but to accept this and go on...I can't burden people around me by grieving for what I can't have or feel, terrible though it is. But it is in fact probably the most tragic thing in my life, much worse than "mere" schizophrenia...
THanks for telling your story. I for one, was riveted. And it gives me a little hope for myself as well.
Pam W
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