I known for many years that my family were a source of problems for me. When I first got ill I blamed them. I did that for many years. Dr. Phil says that you teach people how to treat you. I taught them well. I say that my family is my biggest problem. They don't have much contact with me, but in my head they do. I know I've talked many times about this. I'm getting better handing it. One reason I'm getting a handle on it is that I choose not have anything to do with them. I wanted to write that it sounds ungrateful or selfish, I feel that I need to take care of me. If it means no contact and feeling good or contact and feeling stressed and upset I'm sorry but they lose. Recently I asked myself why my family was so important, even though they treat me so badly. I answered with a question-'Do I like to beating my head against a wall"? Of course the answer was no. I'm trying to stop. I will stop. I'm tired of reliving this. It will take time. Time I have lots of. Like I aid I am getting better at it.
I have a second family, a chosen one. One where I decide who to let in and out.
I am a caring, loving man. There are several people who are close to me that I care very deeply for. I'm not seeking vengeance or revenge.
I have a flower garden where I plant many different flowers. I chose the ones I like best. As they start to grow there are several weeds that grow with them. Since I don't want weeds I pluck them out, so the flower will grow and become a beautiful plant. I'm weeding out the things that make me grow badly. I realize that there will always be things that need weeding, but I want the best for me and mine.
