the same ole thing

As I read your latest share post I see some things we have in common others we do not. Let me try to explain. I have a loving family that stands besides me in good times and bad.In the 25 years since I was first diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder I have been hospitalized 5 times with the last being in 1997. While I say I having a loving family I too have what I call a strained relationship with my Dad. Let me say I realize that I am no angel and I can to be blamed also for our relationship being what it is today. On August16th we had a surprise birthday party for Mom who turned 80 on August 20th. My two brothers and their wives and one of my nieces flew in from Fla. to join in on Mom's Party.One day I was riding in a car with my oldest brother and we were talking about Dad. Well this brother then went on to tell me Dad had said to him that I hate him and he does not know why. Needless to say I was crushed but I did not let my brother see how upset I was. You see Dad is a person who always must be in control and he is a different person when my siblings are in town. To this day I still carry what my brother said to me in my heart and it still is eating away at me.I can not come out and comfront Dad on this issue because you probably would raise his voice and I would get emotional. So I just to try to live with it. In the past couple of weeks things have improved somewhat between Dad and me but to be totally honest I try to have as little interaction with him as possible. This can be difficult at times because i live with him and mom.I am somewhat concerned what would happen if Mom died but I know God would come in and save me. My one sister who do not make it home for the party and she to lives in Fla. told me she would be there for me if anything would happen to Mom.

I am sorry for my reply being so lengthy but I needed to get this off my chest but David I want you and everyone else to know how much each one of you have helped me live with this illness. Thanks to all of you I have grown so much and have learned so much and for that I say thank you.

Hi Dave,

I'm glad to see you're building a bridge with your Dad even as you set boundaries.

I hope you had a good day today.

Cheers,

cb

To comment on Janet's reply, I too have had issues with my father my whole life.  But I never discussed it with him.  When I started living with my parents in 1997, I never ate with my dad at the table.  I never rode in the car with him.  I just didn't want to be around him because he was so negative all the time and had outbursts of displaced anger.  I tried to forgive him and hoped that would make a difference in my attitude and his, but it didn't work.

But when he had Alzheimer's and other health issues, I began to feel compassion for him.  We began to talk more.  He would often put his arms around me and tell me he loved me -- something that had never happened before.  So at his death in 2005 I felt like our relationship ended on a high note.  I also started healing after he died.  Most of my depression went away, I haven't been hospitalized since then, the people in my head disappeared, and I truly got on the road to recovery.

Carolyn